Magical - Mollie and AJ's Strictly Story

Part 15 - Did that really just happen?

I think I am in shock. Oh, yeah, you look as confused as me when I look at you in the mirror. Did that really just happen? Have I actually understood? It doesn't seem real. We were in the dance off. And we survived. Against Aston.

For goodness sake, he had tens the week before. He was a favourite. He shouldn't have even been in the dance off.

Ellen can't believe it. She says neither of us should have been in that dance off – I should have had a bottom two bounce back (she insists this is a real thing but where was it?) and he should have had a fan base protecting him. Apparently Ellen's rules weren't adhered to tonight.

Anyway, before the drama, could we just focus on AJ's dancing and outfit for the professional routine? He looked amazing. That man has moves. Even dancing with a clothes rail he made his partner look good. There's hope for me yet.

Hang on, Mirror-Mollie, why am I being so tough on myself. I was 50% of the team that got through that dance off. I did my part. My reflection nods at me. I didn't make the decision, and I wouldn't want to be in that position. They are kind of damned if they do and damned if they don't. They can't win.

We were standing under that spotlight, waiting. Being left. We already knew Aston and Janette were in the dance off. I was so petrified, but he held me steady, moving his hand to my neck when we were told we were in the dance off, then moved it back down to hold my hand. He didn't let that hold go. He was so confident and focused. I felt like the only person in the room. If I had ever doubted his feelings before, they were crystal clear now. He was focussed solely on me. Forehead to forehead, giving me a pep talk. I would do this for him. I'd do anything to get his smile back. And at the end of our routine, I knew he was pleased, I'd done everything he had taught me, under all that extra pressure, and if we went out, we had done everything we could.

I was higher on the leader-board. Even with my stumble. But that's all it takes, isn't it? One dodgy week and it is over. And the dance off is meant to be on that one dance, not on anything before or the potential you have in the rest of the competition. If it was, this would be over. I think I'll lay low on Social Media for a few days. I suspect there will be a lot of hate. Even though I was as shocked as everyone else that they were in the dance off. I've known him for years. He's one of the last people I would want to be in the dance off against. And he has so much natural talent, unlike me.

And no matter what I do, no matter what I say, he can't come back to the competition. People will miss him. How can I ever produce a dance that connects with people the way he did? I feel like I'll never earn my place here. I can't do what he did. I can only be me, and right now I feel inferior to everyone.

Could it have been a tighter decision by the judges? Two against, two for. It was Shirley's casting vote that made the choice. Not that she would have known how the other judges voted. And I can't believe the other vote came from Craig. Of all people. I was convinced he hated me. Or AJ. Or both of us. I never thought he would choose us over Aston and Janette. It could so easily have all been over right now. That thought scares me.

I'll just put every waking hour into my next routine. I have to make it a belter. I just don't want people to hate me for still being here. I want to earn my place. And after next week, it's Blackpool – we can go up North and see my nana, Eileen. I so want her to meet him. We are just one dance away. One dance. Olé!