Magical - Mollie and AJ's Strictly Story

Part 16 - When hard work doesn't pay off

Why though? Why? You look exhausted, even with the efforts of the Strictly hair and make-up superstars. I've escaped to the toilets for a moment. I can't bear to talk to anyone right now. He got that. He just held on to me. Then he escorted me to escape. He's probably outside right now. I don't think he will be far away. He knows, he's probably the only one who knows, how broken I feel right now. The poor man has put me back together all week, built me back up. I have tried so hard. I have done everything I could. Paso just isn't my dance, I think.

I feel ripped apart. I think back to what the judges said, and it wasn't even that bad – it was more the way they said things, knowing they had kept me in over someone who would have gone on to be a much better dancer. Like they regretted it. Like I didn't deserve that extra chance. Like I shouldn't be here.

I am tired and emotional. I'm not going to lie. I am shattered, in every sense. We have been rehearsing twelve hours plus, every day. I think I am surviving on a diet of soy cappuccinos and chocolate croissants. I had to ask my mum to look after Alfie because I haven't been home enough, poor pooch. We move dance studios frequently to keep dancing. I couldn't give any more. I am trying so hard. I have no more to give.

How can I let Blackpool go when it is this close? What else can I do?

He did his best to hide my disappointing inabilities. Pyrotechnics, drapes, swishy skirts, lighting, his beautiful chest. He threw all the things at that routine. I'm the part that let it down.

Do I walk off? What would that do to him? He'd be out of the competition – I remember Karen was when Will left last year. No, that's not me. I don't want to run away. I will face the results show, no matter what. I shall cherish every second left. And maybe, just maybe, after the results show, however it goes, I will sleep.