Dusk

XLVI

Not stopping him, she watched as he unzipped them. Before he did anything else he started kissing her inner thigh, slowly moving towards her now fully unbuttoned and unzipped pants. Flashbacks of their previous encounters making her eyes automatically want to close.

Internally she spoke with herself:

Does this make us weak?

Who cares. It feels good.

You should care you sell-out. What happened to you?! You used to be so strong.

He's the one kissing me, how does that make me the weak one in this situation? I feel pretty strong right now.

You need no one.

Was that voice right?

Before he could go any further, she remembered why she was in here and sighed. Fighting her body's desire for his touch, she pushed his head away.

"Answer me." She pulled his face up so it was on the same exact level as hers. Forcing him to lean up higher while he knelt. He noticed her eyes locked on his mouth, she was still somewhat distracted.

"You let me," he said, ignoring her gaze, "and that means you're willing to go through all of this frustration," his hand gripped her lower back and aggressively slammed her body against his, "to eventually consider me as more than just another worthless piece of meat." Feeling his strength made her gasp from the impact.

Reminding herself of the consequences of opening up, she caved within herself.

The only other time she considered opening up, she was left.

She meant nothing.

Insecurities ran wild inside of her mind as she began overthinking every single decision that led her up to this point.

Letting his other hand go she stressfully began playing with her hands, "I can't give you what you want." Never seeing her this flustered before, he exhaled and watched her for a moment. Seeing her idly playing with her hands, not knowing what to do with herself.

"And I cannot give you what you are used to," he eventually responded, taking her hands in his. He wanted to have this serious talk and he knew he had to be serious as well. He couldn't let his body decide anymore. Effortlessly he sat beside her on the edge of the mattress.

"Yes you can," she rolled her eyes and shot him a glare. Her fingers itching to touch him as they wiggled in his hold, "it'll be so much easier that way." Ignoring it, he kept her hands in his; a weak attempt to keep an eye on them. If she used them, he knew he wouldn't hesitate to do what she wants.

"No Orion, I cannot," he gave her a serious look. Anytime he said her name, it felt right but didn't.

"Why not Everest?" He reacted almost the same way, neither of them used to hearing their names being said out loud by one another.

"Because that is all you will give back to me. Nothing more."

"I still don't see the problem with that. If you think I'll sleep with someone else, I won't, I swear," she paused before going on, "ok... I only did that once and it was honestly hard to manage dealing with both guys so I-" his furious expression making her stop talking.

Trying to recollect his thoughts and forget what she just said, he focused back on the conversation: "I told you what I want already and it is getting repetitive at this point," his words slicing through her chest at the obvious truth, "are you that scared to even consider what I want?"

His question throwing her off guard as she sat facing him on the edge of the bed. Her eyes looking down at their hands together and she completely felt off about everything. She tried getting up from the bed to avoid whatever was about to happen but he kept her there.