Back to life

Part 5 present time - the aftermath

I woke up to Jon gently shaking me. I wiped over my eyes and sat up blinking.

"You were screaming and shouting. I could hear you down the hall and when I got here you were thrashing around. Did you have another nightmare again?" Jon said as he hugged me. I must have as I felt sweaty and my heart was racing. I nodded "Do you want to talk about it. It's always good to talk. Remember what the therapist said". I looked at him blankly and shook my head. I didn't want to tell him my blocked out memories were back and I could remember some.

I started to feel scared and anxious without warning I had a panic attack. Jon stayed with me throughout it. Funny, it was normally me looking after him. Now I know how he feels when he gets one.

"Take slow and deep breaths. Look at me J. It will pass. Honest. Here I am looking after you. Breathe. Keep looking at me. Just listen to my voice and keep breathing slow and deep". He looked straight into my chocolate brown eyes. I tried; I was shaking and couldn't breathe".

"I-I-I can't....breathe...I-I-I feel.....scared....feel...like....I am.....dying... My....heart....is...beating....so...fast...,I-I-I...feel...like...it's...gonna...burst...out....at...some...point". That was the first time in ten minutes that I speak. I was so worked up I couldn't get anything out.

"This is normal. SSSSssssssshhhhhhh!!!! Just focus on your breathing ok, J". I listened to his voice. I worked on my breathing to calm me down while staring into his brown eyes. Another twenty minutes went by; my breathing was back to normal. Jon got up to leave.

"Please don't leave me". God I sound like a small child.

"I will be back. I'm going to get a blanket to sleep on in the chair". I moved over to allow some room on the bed "Are you sure that won't be weird. We are not kids anymore".

"Please". There was a slight tint of vulnerability in my voice.

"Ok" as he got in "If you start snoring I'm kicking you out, J. Hey Jordan". I was out like a light snoring lightly. He smiled as I smiled in my sleep as he stroked my hair out of my eyes. He turned out the light and went to sleep.