Back to life

Part 1 Present time

My name is Jay but everyone still calls me by another name. Well, I was involved in a bus crash over a year ago. But you see I don't remember any of it, the crash or before the crash even years before the crash are missing. I am supposed to be a celebrity, a famous singer. But I don't remember anything. I don't mind but it's hurting everyone else who I am supposed to know.

I am now sat here in the kitchen with four journals on the table for me to read. Apparently, it will help me remember everything. I doubt it. Maybe I just don't want to remember. My therapist, Phil thinks I am blocking it all out so I don't remember the traumatic events of the crash. My doctor even diagnosed me of having PTSD.

Next, the journals are photos albums and all our albums. I just sit there looking at them, just staring into the distance. I don't even notice my bro coming into the room. Not even have noticed Jon has gone into the fridge and get a bottle of water for him and one for me. He sits my bottle in front of me.

"How's it going?" he replied "Jor – sorry Jay. Did you hear me?".

"Huh sorry, did you say something" I replied waking up from my daydream. He shook his head at me with a smile.

"Just asked if you were OK?".

"Yeah, no, don't really know anymore" I muttered "I feel I have lost everything. I don't feel like me anymore. All of you keep telling me stuff about me, about the band. I don't remember about last year". I pick up one of my solo albums "I know this is me. I don't remember". I cover my face with my hands' emotions run through me and my shoulders start to shake as I cry softly. I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh Jay, I am always here for you. I know it hit you harder than any of us, the crash. You are just shutting out the traumatic emotions due it. When they found you finally, you were barely alive". I move my hands away from my face. I notice him staring at me "You have been through a lot and we are here for you. You may not feel like you but you are you".

"Just leave me alone. Stop caring" Oh great here the mood swings come again. I clench both fists by my side "LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE" I screamed. I didn't notice I picked up one journal. I honestly don't feel like me. Hey, I am wearing sweat pants and a baggy tee-shirt, have lost weight and I look scruffy. Even Jon doesn't know my secret that I am back on the booze again.

"That's a little difficult as you live with me now, Jordan" I squared up to him getting in his face.

"Don't ever call me that. He has gone" I yelled, "I know when I am not wanted so I will go home then".

"You have no other home to go to. She left you after Christmas. She couldn't deal with your sulkily problems and withdrawals. Includes you are drinking again". He knew. I fall to my knees with my hands covering my face "You remember then". I shake my head no.

"Well start with this journal then" he gives me back the journal which I threw at him earlier. Jon walks off leaving me on the floor "You need to take a really good look at yourself in the mirror. And only then will you understand that we are only trying to help you, Jordan. It's like you're angry with the world because you were the last one to be found". I just look at him as he leaves the room.

Author's note:

This is my first fanfiction story. I have a bit of spare time on my hands at the moment so trying something new to help with my overthinking mind. Any ideas or comments would be helpful. Thank you for reading. Until next time.