Back to life

Part 26 Six months since she left.

I have been at Jon's farm for 6 months now I never really thought about it. I always thought it was because of my physical and mental injuries from the accident. I never thought it was I had no home to go to. I remember Jon telling me I had nowhere else to go when we had an argument two months ago when they started making me read the journals they wrote. But I never really did put two and two together. That is the downfall having problems with memory or more importantly short term memory loss the doctors keep telling me.

And was when I received something I didn't remember about. A large envelope appeared in the mail today. There was the proof that my life is over. Divorce papers, finally it's over. I threw it on the floor and punched everything I could. I was all different emotions I wasn't just one, I was angry one minute then next I would cry then become angry. All the guys were here today at Jon's place for an annual BBQ. So were all the families and friends were here too, it is a massive get together. I didn't feel like going even though I am here anyway. Oh great here he comes now.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I just look at him.

"Nothing" Jon noticed the envelope on the floor. Oh no!.

"Oh, no wonder" as he peeked inside. "No wonder the boys aren't here either". Thanks rub it in why doncha.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. JUST DON'T. I have only just got my memories and feelings for my boys before Christmas and now they are gone from my life. IT'S NOT FAIR". He tried to hug me. I just started hitting his chest. He just stood there, letting me take out all my rage on him. "WHY? IT CAN'T BE. WHY? MY LIFE IS OVER". I pushed him onto the floor and carried on hitting him. Danny and Donnie soon came over.

"His short term memory loss blocked out getting a divorce and he has just found out. He's not happy about it" replied Jon covering his face with his arms.

Danny is the strongest out of all us but even he couldn't get me off my brother. I was punching Jon taking out my anger on him. Jon however got fed up with being a punching bag so he kneed me, which finally got me off him. I fell to the floor in pain and curled myself into a ball. I started to sob and didn't care who saw me. They weren't sure what to do because my emotions are still mixed up. They wanted to help me but didn't want to get cross fire of angry me. I don't blame them, I don't like me either. So they left me sobbing me eyes out on the floor.

This turned out as a bad idea cos a while later, I got up from the floor wiping the old tears from my face, I picked up a bottle of strong whisky and downed as much as I could. I wanted to wash away all my problems, to numb the pain with booze again. When that didn't work I found my old painkillers in the medication cabinet and mixing them with Jon's which I found too. I didn't care I was going to hurt other people's feelings I only half cared about my own. I carried on until the pain went away or Jon found me. Who knows I blacked out after a while.