I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

6. invasion

Trigger Warning: Serious eating disorder / unhealthy behavior

Feb 13

Work sucks today. It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, so we have all these heart shaped pastries and red-velvet lattes and all I want to do is dump them in the customer's faces.

V-Day always gets me in a bad mood, usually because I have no one to celebrate with. The last time I wasn't single on Valentine's Day was in uni when I was dating this guy named Brad.

He got me stale chocolates from Tesco and wilted roses but it was better than nothing.

I got him a Teddy Bear and fresh chocolates from the bakery.

It's funny because I got him the better gift, but he still dumped me the next day. Just my luck right?

Grumbling, I wrap a customer's pastry and then head out for my break. It's 1pm now, and I would normally eat lunch, but lately, I've gotten in the habit of skipping it.

The more I tried fasting, the longer I could go. Nowadays, I could go until about 5pm without eating. Maybe even longer.

I had a bag of celery sticks and carrots sitting in my freezer for after my shift. Eating things cold burns more calories.

As I head outside, I grab my packet of cigarettes. My hands are shaking and I'm not sure if it's from withdrawals or from not eating. Honestly, it could be either.

I've lost 22 pounds at this point - it's still not enough. I still don't have abs or my football body.

I'm trying so hard to push myself to go to the gym more, but I've been feeling weak and lightheaded most days. It just sucks.

Inhaling, I lean against the brick wall and slide down until I am sitting on the sidewalk, not worrying whether or not I dirty my pants.

I keep envisioning Harry behind the nail salon, shouting with the tall blonde woman, the mother of his child, the center of his poem.

I'm aching to know their story: who she is... what their history is.... why she doesn't want him to be involved in the child's life.

The nail salon owner's angry phone call snaps me out of my thoughts for a minute, and I jerk my head up quickly, looking around.

I have no idea why, but I start to feel dizzy all of a sudden. Everything is fuzzy. I try to stand up but I can't, and the next thing I know everything goes black.

"Are you okay?"

Amanda, my coworker, is standing over me.

"I... yeah, I'm good," I mutter, standing up.

She offers her hand for support and gives me an odd look wrinkling her brow.

"You don't look so good, Louis," she says. "You're quite pale. Do you want to go home early? I'll cover you... there's only an hour left anyways."

I shake my head, running a hand through my hair. It's wet.... am I sweating?

Suddenly my heart is racing and I begin to feel sharp, shooting pains in my stomach. "I'm good," I say quietly. "Just need water."

Amanda follows me into the back room, where I retrieve a water bottle. I'm starting to feel dizzy again, not to mention nauseous.

"Louis," she says, handing me a sandwich. "Have you had lunch? Eat this."

I stare at the sandwich, tears nearly well in my eyes. I can't do it. I just can't. If I eat that sandwich, I'll be ruining everything.

I'll be giving in - giving in to the fatness, to the laziness. To my old, disgusting body, the one Harry reviled and made fun of. Fuck, my body is still so disgusting, but at least it's less so...