I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

16. acceptance

~~~Very emotional (triggers: Eating disorder and self harm, from this point forward basically)

Feb 24

Harry's POV

They decide to release Louis from the hospital after three days. To be completely honest, he doesn't look much better to me, but the doctor's say he's stable enough to start doing treatment. He has the option of outpatient and inpatient, though they highly recommend inpatient given how underweight he is.

"What's the difference?" Louis asks nervously, shifting in his hospital bed.

His question surprises me - I thought for certain that Louis would resist any form of treatment. Then again, I think he may be starting to come to terms with his condition. Over the past few days, his health issues have shown him how serious things are.

Two days ago, after the feeding tube incident, Niall, Liam and I all took turns talking to Louis individually. We read pamphlets about anorexia and talked to the doctors to make sure we had a full understanding of what was going on with him.

While Liam was having his turn talking with Louis, Niall and I sat in the waiting area and chatted.

"I mean I always knew you liked him," Niall said. "But I didn't think he liked you. The way he looked at you, though. He seems so... so involved with you..."

I bit my lip. "Yeah... I was shocked too. I, fuck, I doubt he wants me to tell you this, but I went to his house to apologize for the millionth time. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. And well, he was really angry about it, but it turned into a hot kind of angry. I told him I liked him and he asked me what I was going to do about it...."

"Oh shit!" Niall replied, his blue eyes widening. "Did you....?"

"Yeah," I replied in a low tone. "Yeah, we probably shouldn't have, though. Once he got his clothes off, I could see how ill he was... all bones and ribs. I wanted to cry."

Niall nodded, toying with the pamphlet in his hand. "Makes sense. I've seen it getting worse and worse. I just didn't know how to help. At least you brought him here. He's finally getting the help he needs."

"I hope so," I replied as I looked down at my shoes. "My ex, Eliza, got really sick with anorexia too. She's still not completely out of it. She eats just enough to get by and be considered 'healthy.' She's still very thin, and really tortures herself with exercise and strict eating... even now that she's pregnant, she hasn't lightened up with it at all. Always posting videos of herself working out intensely at the gym even though she's several months along."

"Yikes," Niall said, squeezing my shoulder. "That sounds rough. Well let's hope Louis can do better. Let's hope we can help him, yeah? And maybe if you talk with your ex she'll realize it's not healthy..."

"I tried," I said. "No use. She hates me. Doesn't want me involved. She thinks I'm gay. Might be right..."

"That's not a bad thing," Niall says. "It's hard to figure out who you are. And you'll still be a great dad."

I stretched out my legs, unable to get comfortable. Suddenly, a wave of nausea crashed down on me and I began to realize that I was going to be a dad soon. Even if Eliza wouldn't let me help her, the baby was still going to be born soon. And I would still be its dad.

How the fuck was I going to be a father if I didn't even know who I was? If I couldn't even help myself? If I couldn't even help Louis? I wasn't ready...

Now, as I sit with Louis, the doctor begins explaining inpatient and outpatient. I remove myself from my memories and try to stay present in the conversation. I can't think about Eliza now. I'm thinking about Louis. Louis is my focus. Louis is the one I care about.