I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

31. intimacy

May 20 

Louis' POV

"Haz, you're so sexy," I say as Harry and I make our way into the apartment. It had been a struggle not to make out on the subway ride home, but now we are finally back at my apartment, and neither of us can wait any longer.

"So are you. Fuck," Harry breathes, pulling me onto the couch and straddling me. I start to kiss him, passionately, allowing my tongue to explore every crevice of his mouth. My teeth nibble a bit on his bottom lip and he moans softly at the sensation.

I grab Harry's ass harshly, and then lean forward to suck on his collarbone, suctioning the skin with my lips and teeth as hard as I can. He might have to wear a scarf to work on Monday, but I don't care. I've left my mark.

"Can I?" Harry asks, pointing at my shirt as I pull away.

I blink at him, suddenly losing all the confidence I had just seconds ago.

"Oh, sorry, Lou, you can leave it on," Harry says, upon observing my face.

"No, no, I can - I want to," I say, reaching my arms up and removing my shirt. It's not the first time Harry and I have made love a few times since I've been gaining the weight back, but I usually ask him if we can do it with the lights out or if I can just leave my shirt on.

Nearly shaking, I remove my shirt. I'm now completely vulnerable in front of Harry. There's nothing to hide.

"You are so beautiful," Harry says, beaming up at me. He presses a soft kiss onto my chest, running his hands across my torso, and I sigh, wondering how this gorgeous, muscular human can think so highly of me.

"Haz, I'm sorry I'm not lean or cut - I just..." I begin, as my self doubt begins wash over me.

But Harry shakes his head. "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful."

He starts to make a trail of kisses, beginning with my chest and heading down to my navel. As he makes his way to my happy trail, he starts to unbutton my pants and tugs them off, revealing my thighs.

I'm trying so hard to enjoy this. So hard not to let my body insecurities get in the way. Harry is telling me I'm beautiful, that he loves my body. Why can't I just believe him? Why do I still have that voice in the back of my mind nagging me about how I'm not fit enough, not good enough? Why can't I just be happy?

"Lou, are you okay?" Harry asks, stopping as he drops my pants to the floor. "You comfortable?"

I nod, though I'm not too sure myself. I am comfortable - I'm always comfortable with Harry. The problem is I'm not comfortable with myself.

"Maybe I Should just please You," I suggest, motioning for Harry to come back onto the couch next to me.

"No, baby, you always do all the work. I wanna please you," Harry whines. "If you're ready, though."

I shrug, unsure what to do, unable to find the words I need to explain to him what's going on in my head. I'm not sure I'll ever find those words, to be honest.

"Babe, you deserve to be taken care of," Harry whispers, joining me on the couch. He cups my face in his hands and stares up at me with those big green eyes. "You know that, right?"

"I.... kind of," I reply. "Logically yes...."

"But the voice is telling you don't deserve it?" Harry says, continuing the sentence for me. "Baby, i have that voice too. When you touch the scars on my arms, or my legs, it's screaming at me not to let you - to push you away. But I know you love me, I know you don't mind my imperfections. And I don't mind yours. Not that you have any - because you're perfect to me."