I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

47. too much

November 19

Harry's POV

"That's $20.50 for the roses."

"Thanks," I reply, handing over the cash. "Keep the change."

It's a Friday evening and I'm at the florist picking up flowers for Louis. He's coming over tonight and I'm taking him on a dinner cruise, though it's a surprise still. I hope he'll be okay with sharing dinner with me. He's been doing better lately, but is still struggling. I wish I could do more to help him. But he says I'm already doing enough.

As I collect my flowers and head to the train, I can't stop thinking about that day in the hospital when I first ran into him. I had been so emotional about everything - about James, about Eliza, about myself. But then I saw him and for a minute I felt like things might actually be okay. He said he didn't hate me - he never hated me. He said he was sorry.

I can lie to myself all I want but the truth is all I've done since the breakup is miss Louis. And now that I have him back, I'm trying to do everything in my power to make sure I don't lose him again.

Things aren't the way they used to be. They never will be, I don't think. Two much has happened between us. Louis still works at a different company, even though he hates it. I'm currently working part time with Niall and Liam, but spending Mondays and Thursdays working on my new poetry collection.

I wish we could be together, in the same little cubicle coming up with campaign ideas all day long. But Louis said he's not ready for that yet, and I guess I'm not either. We need some space, some boundaries. We can't dive in again so quickly.

It hurts though, when he leaves my apartment at 2am when all I want is to cuddle and have him spend the night. It hurts when he tells me he has to work late and can't come over. I can't help but crave what we once had - a life together, working at the same place, living in the same house. But I guess that never really worked out for us in the first place.

The train stops and I exit the subway and start to head up the stairs to the street. Liam's apartment is only a few blocks away and I walk over, my stomach twisting in knots with each stop.

I shouldn't be nervous. He's my boyfriend. But I just want this to be perfect. Or rather, I want to show him how perfect he is.

Louis hasn't been well lately, and he'll be the first one to tell you that. When I saw him in the hospital, he was looking thin again. It wasn't as drastic as it was during the wintertime, but I could tell something wasn't right. He didn't look healthy, didn't look whole.

"Lou," I said, two nights after we reconnected in the hospital. "I wish you could see how beautiful you are. I wish you knew how much you meant to me."

Louis smiled and sipped on his black coffee. "Harry, you're too sweet."

"Not trying to be sweet love," I said, biting my lip. "I just want you to feel better. You don't deserve this."

He smirked, cocking his head to the side like a curious golden retriever. "I feel better already with you here."

"Nah," I chuckled. "I annoy you."

"No way, Haz," he said, reaching across the table and giving my hand a squeeze. "You make me want to be normal. I want to be able to go to cafes and hotels and everything. I want my life back. I want it back with you."

Not gonna lie, I cried a bit after that. But we hugged and he kissed my neck and we left the coffee shop hand in hand.

Now, I'm on his doorstep and I'm trying not to think about how scared I am. Not just for our relationship, but for him. For his health, for his wellbeing.