I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

29. clothes

May 10

Louis' POV

A/n: Louis has body dsymorphia which means he sees a distorted image of himself. He's not fat at all - but he thinks he is. He went from being really thin to average size. The problem is he can't see it.

"Harry, do we have to go?" I ask, anxiously toying with my phone in my pocket.

Harry's green eyes blink at me and he frowns sympathetically. "We don't have to, baby. But it's gonna be good for you. I'll do some shopping too. And we can look at sneakers too, not just clothes."

"Fine, you got me with the sneakers," I huff as I follow him out of the flat. "We have that Adidas discount from work now too!"

"You and your Adidas," Harry giggles as we head outside together.

On the train ride to the mall, I cuddle against Harry's shoulder and try to match my breathing with his. I'm so anxious that I'm nearly shaking, but feeling Harry's breath against my face helps calm me down and I stroke his hand slowly, closing my eyes.

When the train stops, My hand slips a bit and lands on his forearm. I can feel the scars that are hiding beneath his tattoos and look up at him with wide eyes. "I love you," I whisper.

"Love you too, cutie," Harry says. "That's our stop."

We rise to our feet and begin our trek up the subway steps to the entrance of the mall. I swallow thickly as I look up at the large glass building. I really don't want to do this. I really don't want to get new clothes, because if I get new clothes it means it's really over. It means I'm really giving in and accepting my new weight. My new, bloody ridiculously high weight.

Ugh.

When I started my diet and began losing weight, I threw out all my bigger clothes, telling myself I would never be that gross again. That I would only wear extra Small's and nothing more. Now here I am, about to buy the exact sizes I had thrown away.

"Where do you wanna go first?" Harry asked, grabbing my hand.

"Ummm.... Primark?" I said with a shrug.

"Okay, sure," Harry replied. "Lets go!"

A few minutes later, we are inside the store and Harry is picking out about a million things for me. Jeans, pants, shorts, shirts, blazers.

"This would be so cute for work, wouldn't it?" Harry squeaked. "Honestly, I want one! I'll get one for you and one for me. And these jeans are so nice.... Louis, what do you think of these?"

I bite my lip, holding back tears. I used to love shopping for clothes, but now it just makes me feel like I'm going to be sick.

"They're nice. No matching blazers though," I reply hoarsely.

"Oh no," Harry says, his face falling. "I'm overwhelming you, aren't I? Sorry, Lou. I should let you pick it all out."

"Yeah you kind of are," I admit, shoving my hands into my trackies. "Ok, I'll pick a few."

I make my way around the store, feeling like a child lost in a grocery store. I don't even know where to begin.... or what size to even take....

Harry notices me struggling. "Maybe that's worse? What's bothering you?"

"Everything," I say. I'm laughing but my stomach hurts and I just want to run out of here and puke up my breakfast.

"Okay, well, wanna start with the clothes I picked? Just to try. Maybe that'll give you a sense of what you like," Harry suggests, pointing to the dressing room.