I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

15. low

Feb 21

Harry's POV

I wait in the waiting room while Louis gets his bloodwork done. Suddenly, the aftermath of my jog around New York City begins to set in and my eyes begin to close, sleepiness overtaking my body.

As I listen to the muffled coughs of the patient next to me, I try not to think about why I'm here. But of course that doesn't work.

Louis is sick because of me. Because of me. Because of me.

The voice replays in my head and I resist the urge to shuffle to the bathroom and numb out. I don't have a razor with me, but my keys could work if I tried hard enough.

I can't though. It would be too easy to do that. And I can't check out now — I have to stay fully attentive for Louis. I'm here for Louis.

Louis.

I can't believe what I told him before. I never told anyone those things- not even Eliza. I was cutting half the time I was with her, as it wasn't even until the middle of our relationship that I got help. But I never told her, she never knew. In fact, she only made it worse.

I hear footsteps now and my eyes flutter open. I know those footsteps, slow and stumbling. It's Louis and he looks pale as a fucking ghost. Even more pale than he did on our way to the office.

"Hey," I say, walking over to him. "You okay?"

A nurse approaches us and shakes her head. "He passed out back there, and refuses to drink the juice or have a cookie. Has to get his blood sugar up."

I swallow thickly, unsure how to handle the situation. "Okay," I say.

"Not okay. I took his weight too, ridiculously low. We're gonna have to have a doctor see him," she says, motioning for Louis to follow her back into the emergency wing.

Louis stands there, biting his lip and looking up at me like a child who lost their mother. I know he doesn't wanna go. Of course he doesn't. But he has to.

"Louis," I say, taking his hand. "It's gonna be fine. They're just gonna talk to you. I'll come with you."

The nurse rolls her eyes. "Maybe you can get him to drink the juice."

Louis and I follow her to a back room, where were told to wait until the doctor can see Louis. I sit in a chair next to the doctor's desk, folding my legs awkwardly.

"I feel like a fucking child right now," Louis huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"They're just checking to see if you're alright," I reply gently. As we were walking, the nurse had handed me the juice, and I hold it out to Louis. "I know you don't want this, but you'll feel less dizzy. I promise."

Louis rolls his eyes and takes the juice box but doesn't drink it. "Now I truly am I child. Drinking fruit juice."

"You do have a young face..." I joke, chuckling a bit.

Louis glares at me, but when I look away I can see him crack a smile in my peripheral vision.

"I think white I'm here I might get an STI test," Louis replies, smirking. "I used a condom but I still don't trust you."

"Very funny," I say. I'm laughing but deep down my chest is swelling with anxiety. Is it fucked up how happy I feel right now? I'm sitting in the hospital with this guy who is literally d y i n g because of me. But I also have feelings for him and he's reciprocating them and that's all I can really focus on...

It was never supposed to be like this. He was never supposed to get sick. We were never supposed to have sex - especially not with him being in this state. None of this should have ever happened.