I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

23. comfort

March 1

Harry's POV

I knock quietly on the door to Louis' apartment. Eventually, the door opens, but I don't see him. I hear footsteps and then hear a muffled "Come in!" from the side of the apartment.

I head inside and as I round the corner, I notice Louis is wrapped in a blanket on the couch.

"Hey," I say, taking off my coat and sitting down next to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Awful," Louis says. The blanket is a dark purple color and his blue eyes look gorgeous as he snuggles up to the fabric.

"Aw, I'm sorry. Anything I can do?" I ask. I don't touch him - I'm kind of afraid to ever since Liam made that comment about him not wanting to be touched.

Louis looks up at me, his eyes red and puffy from crying. "Unless you can make this disgusting feeling go away, then no."

"I can try," I say, scooting closer to him. I have to remind myself not to touch him. All I want to do is hold him, but I know it'll make things worse. "Is it over, do you feel full now?"

Louis nods, looking down at the floor. "Yeah, it's over. I only had to eat about a million things first, though. So gross..."

"Lou," I sigh. "I know you feel guilty, but I looked it up on my way here and it's very common for patients in recovery. Your body needed that. It's just your body reacting to the restriction you put it through. It's your body's way of trying to get healthy again."

"Well, it's fucking terrifying," Louis pouts, jutting out his bottom lip. "I hated every second of it. Now I feel so sick. I might just make myself puke, though it'll probably happen naturally first."

"No... Lou, don't do that. Please don't," I say, gently taking his hand from beneath the blanket.

"Haz, you don't know how much pain I'm in, though," Louis says. A tear streams down his cheek and now I know how difficult this is going to be. For both of us.

"I'm sorry. I know it hurts, but Louis, I'm telling you, you just have to sit with it," I say.

"Who are you? My doctor?" he asks, wagging a finger at me.

"No, but trust me, Louis, you can't throw up. It's gonna start a cycle," I say.

"How do you know? I'd rather start a cycle than gain 3 pounds in one sitting," Louis says. His eyes are wide and wild with rage, and his shoulders are bobbing up and down as he breathes.

"Louis, that won't happen. It all balances out. It's going to get under control again, you just have to let things ride out. I know it's scary. I know how bad you want to just relieve yourself, but sometimes you have to sit with the discomfort," I say, stroking his wrist. "It gets harder before it gets easier. Truly."

Louis looks at me, pushing loose strands of hair out of his eyes. "I know you're right. But I'm not as strong as you."

"Hey," I say, taking his face in my hands. "Louis, you are totally as strong as me. You're so strong. The fact that you went through what you went through, and you're here trying. That takes so much strength."

Louis nods, biting his lip. "Thank you, Harry. Thanks, I'm just overwhelmed. Do you, um, want tea or something?"

"I'm okay, love. Thank you though," I say.

"Okay, well, do you have somewhere to be? I'm fine, honestly. You didn't have to come," Louis says nervously.

"No, I'm free all day. Working from home. And most of my work is already done," I tell him. "And I didn't have to but I wanted to."