I Hate You (Larry Stylinson) ✅

7. the club

Trigger warning: This whole story is centered on Louis' eating disorder, so if that's triggering you should be careful. So far, we have seen his mind shift quite significantly. At the start of the story he was definitely angsty and struggling with negative thoughts, but now he is falling deeper and deeper into his eating disorder. In this chapter, we really see his mind start to spiral and distort the reality around him. You may notice that he is quicker to anger and always in a bad mood. His behaivors - exercising compulsively, experiencing negative body image, eating low calorie foods or starving, and never feeling like he has lost enough weight - are all parts of the disorder. I wrote it this way so you can see into Louis' mind's eye, and understand how anorexia can destroy a person from the inside out. (Sorry a little dark). This is a hopeful story, and I hope that recovery will also happen down the road. But right now Louis is in complete denial he has a problem, even though all of his friends can tell. His health and physical state is deteriorating too - and a lot of the physical symptoms (hair loss, joint paint, fatigue, paleness, dizziness, etc.) are present as well.

Feb 18

I'm lying on my couch eating ice cubes when I get a text from Niall.

Niall: lad are you still coming to the gay club @10pm tonight? We're drinking beforehand at Harry's at 9pm. 33 Charlesfield Street.

What the fuck? It's 8:30pm now. I was going to do at least another workout before I headed out for the night. Now I don't have time.

For whatever reason, I thought we were going to be going out much later. Didn't Niall say 11pm? Harry must have changed the time.

Groaning, I stand up. My back hurts and I wince in pain a little. I guess I worked out too hard this morning.

I make my way to the bedroom and change into something suitable. I'm going to need a little bit of color if I want to stand out at the club- not that I want to. I look so disgusting.

After browsing through my closet and trying on about three different options, I decide that black skinny jeans and a sparkly, blue button down are as good as it's going to get. I put on my vans and head to the bathroom to wash my face.

I almost don't recognize the man staring back at me. My stubble is completely grown out- it's nearly a beard now. And there are dark purple circles beneath my eyes. My face looks so odd, wrinkly and withered almost. And of course, I'm so fucking pale. I have to go outside more.

Frowning at my bearded face, I take out my electric razor and start to shave it off. When I get to my side burns, I realize a bit of my hair looks patchy. What the fuck is that about? I push it to the side, covering the area where my hair is thinning and run more product through it to help volumize it.

Before I head out, I hop on the scale and weight myself. I guess I should be happy I'm 25 pounds down, but I could still stand to lose more. My body is just not looking it's best....

My thoughts are interrupted though when I get a call from Niall.

"Mate, where are you?" he asks. "We're about to head out."

"Fuck, I'm um... I'm on the train," I say, shoving phone and keys into my pocket. "Can you wait for me, I'll be quick."

"Sure, but Harry is getting antsy," Niall says. "See you soon."

Harry is getting antsy? What the fuck do I care about Harry getting antsy? Harry can fucking chill out. Who gets to the club at 10pm anyways?

As I head down to the train station, I think about the night ahead of me. I'm going to have to drink, which means more calories. Beer is definitely not an option, and I'm actually in luck because Niall and Louis tend to get cocktails only at the club we're headed too.