Confessions

37 "Puppy love"

Post taken from//Fb page: Student Secret Files

"Puppy love"

Michael. A guy at his senior year in highschool who I've come to love as a freshman.

He was probably one of the best basketball players in our school at yung teamwork nya with 2 of his best friends ay napakathrilling panoorin. Kaso yung ibang girls na nanood ay andun lang para makita yung abs nya hays please don't count me in as one of them kasi that's not the reason why I watch his games. Andun ako palagi kasi isa, gusto kong matuto dahil player din ako at dalawa, mahal ko siya.

Anyway, we somehow ended up being really close not just as friends because it felt more than that. Maybe it started during the second week of classes? Nagchat siya saken non tas sabi nya nagagandahan raw yung bestfriend niyang si Raf saken. Obviously di ako naniwala and I guess we just kept talking from there. At first, we labeled our relationship as just sibling-like but the more we spent time with each other, the more kong narealize hindi ganon kasimple ang nangyayari't nararamdaman ko. Why? Because we hugged at the hallways when no one was around. We got handcuffed together during intramurals. Inaasar kami ng schoolmates namin pag nakita nila kaming magkasama. At ang iba naman, hinuhusgaan nila kung ano ang meron kami kasi senior? at freshman? "Hindi yun pwede" pero wala kaming pake. We called and texted. And then we fell apart.

You see, the sad thing about loving a guy in his senior year when you're a freshman is that you still have a few more years getting stuck at that school while he's off to places or college where he's about to meet some people better than the ones in highschool. But that was not the only sad thing I remembered. Turns out may girlfriend pala siya- his girl, Sam, from another school. Actually, schoolmates ko si Sam at Michael noong elementary. Michael graduated first, tapos si Sam then I was last and wala talaga akong idea kung anong meron sa kanila noon. But now I do, and I found out they already had a thing even before I was painted in the picture. Maybe that was why we never actually made things official . . . or real.

Hindi ako nagalit. Kasi hindi ako yung type na lumalaban at isa pa, I was too young kaya akala ko na okay lang yun kasi tao tayo at nangyayari to sa lahat. Go with the flow lang ako nun. I also can't bring myself to hate Michael because he gave me good memories. Some of you might expect me to hate Sam too pero hindi, wala akong reason para gawin yun. I saw them together once, they saw me too and we just smiled at each other. Sam knew about me at the same time I found out about her pero ang alam niya ay "little sister" lamang ang pagturing ni Michael saken. Nakausap ko na rin si Sam, kaming dalawa lang, at dun ko nadecide na mag step down. Ayaw kong maging rason na maghiwalay ang dalawang tao. Ang friendly ni Sam, never siyang nagpakita ng sign na hate niya ako. She was so genuine and pretty at ayaw ko siyang maging kalaban. Kaya sumuko ako.

Right now, I just finished senior year. And as I scrolled down my social media feed, Michael changed his dp to a photo of him hugging Sam as one of the 18 roses in her debut party. I kind of felt sad, hindi dahil gusto kong palitan si Sam pero dahil gusto kong magkaroon ng "someone" na yayakapin ako at mamahalin ako higit pa sa naramdaman ko kay Michael. I never found that "someone".

Minsan, naiisip ko na baka hindi kami nagkatuluyan ay dahil mas deserve ni Sam si Michael and I deserve someone else. Happy ako sa thought na yun kasi pag totoo yun edi maganda ending ng lahat. Also, I met someone else eventually. Naging boyfriend ko si "someone else" for one year and two months. He was better than Michael but he was not the right one for me. Hindi siya yung "someone" na hinahanap ko. But that's a completely different story.

Nagkikita pa rin naman kami ni Michael sa places malapit sa school. We still gave hugs that meant nothing more than a "hi" or a "how are you?". Naroon pa rin yung closeness namin kaso may halong awkwardness na. We still smiled.

At yun ang importante- to move on; to forget and remember the right things. To be contented with what we had.

Kaya sana kayo rin. Sana maintindihan niyo na hindi dapat tayo magmadali. May mga Michael kayong mamemeet pero always remember na andiyan lang sila para turuan tayong magmahal, mahalin, masaktan, at sumuko.

-C, UPian