One Shots ❦ Camren + Others

#4: Love Lies

I've been so into your mystery.
Is it because of our history?
Are you into me?

When it feels so good, but it's bad for you.
Can't say I don't want it 'cause I know I do.
Come on over, I need your company.
Cravin' that synergy...

***

Lauren's POV

Love.

I've never been in love before. I think I felt something quiet similar to the feeling many years ago, but I ignored it. It wasn't something I wanted to feel.

Why would I even want to? Why would I want to give someone the power to destroy me? To break my heart? No one deserves to hold that much power over me.

This heart of mine? It's as black and empty as ever. Metaphorically, speaking of course.

I wish I didn't ignore that feeling many years ago. That girl; she was the epitome of amazing. She was everything I wanted, she was the only person who could've broken down my walls....but I didn't want her to. I didn't want anyone to see me, the real me.

So I broke her heart, to save my own from being broken.

Heartbreak isn't poetry. It isn't like how everyone romanticises it to be. It isn't beautiful. It's not staying up until 2am listening to sad songs and crying your eyes out.

It's breaking down in the middle of a crowded street. It's sitting with your family and having a good time, until something clicks in your head and the tears begin to fall. Or the pang of hurt in your chest becomes unbearable.

It's feeling okay for weeks at a time, until you suddenly remember the ghost of their lips on your neck, and their nails digging into the skin on your back as you were making love to them, and then you're choking back sobs because you remember you no longer have them.

I know it's hard to catch my vibe. I need a lover to trust, someone that's on my side. It's so hard being someone who's a successful entrepreneur, where everyone who ever gets close to you is for all the wrong reasons. I'm not talking about me though, well to an extent.

My dad.

He knows people just use him, but he doesn't care. How can you live a life like that? Pretending to like someone just to get something in return from them.

I think it's terrifying that one day you're going to trust someone enough to see you naked. Not just without your clothes, but naked in the sense of vulnerability. You're going to cry in front of them, and they're going to comfort you. You're going to have your walls broken down, by them and you're going to trust them enough to not allow you to have to rebuild them.

I think....I think I did love that girl. I'm just too scared to admit it. I was too scared to love her that I made myself believe that I wasn't in love with her.

I always thought that maybe we would have met again. When we were slightly older, our minds a little less hectic. And I would've been right for her and her for me. Back then, I was chaos to her thoughts and she was poison to my heart.

From a young age, all I was taught, all that I knew was the family business. I didn't have time for love. I didn't even have time for me. When my mother died, I was 6, my sister; Natalia and I were never given the time to grieve. My father packed everything up and we moved from Texas to Los Angeles, and from then, he melded us to be the best that we could be. He had a lot of women around him; around us, but he remarried when I was 16 to a woman named Diane and they had a son together; Tobias, he was barely 4.