One Shots ❦ Camren + Others

#5: Empty Space

I'm alone in my head,
Looking for love in a stranger's bed,
But I don't think I'll find it,
'Cause only you could fill this empty space...

***

Lauren's POV

Sometimes all you can do is smile and pretend everything's okay.

I wanted to tell her that I miss her, that I love her, but what was the point if I knew deep down that it wasn't going to change anything? What was the point of pouring my heart out to her, and she wouldn't come running back into my arms?

So maybe I should just keep pretending that I don't feel anything but platonic love for her.

She didn't have to tell me but I knew music meant a lot to her. Whenever I would ask her what she was doing, she would always be listening to some new song. And ever since then, everything about her became music to me.

She had those kind of brown eyes that could have seen right through your soul. She had those kind of brown eyes that put coloured ones to shame.

She had that kind of smile that could light up a whole room, but that smile, that damned smile lit up my life. She had that kind of beautiful smile that you would do anything to keep it on her face because God knows just how much she deserved that.

And her mind. She had the kind of brain that kept her up overthinking at nights about whether she was good enough. But truth is, no matter what she thought, she was always going to be good enough for me. She had the kind of mind that was a universe in itself; from all the galaxies, planets, black-holes and everything that we hadn't discovered in outer space as yet, she was the most beautiful thing that this world had ever seen.

She was 100% everything that I could ever love.

I don't see you,
You're not in every window I look through.
And I don't miss you.
You're not in every single thing I do.

I spend my days lying to myself. Pretending that I don't think about her, that I don't have these goddamn feelings for her. But I can't keep running from them. Because when I do, there's always a time where I can't help but feel everything for her and I just want to fucking rip my heart out of my chest.

I just want to learn how to unlove you, but is that even possible?

You were supposed to be the one.

You were supposed to be the one that I'd end up with. That I'd go out and see the world with. You were supposed to be the one that I was going to marry , start a family with, grow old with. Have those stupid little arguments about leaving your shoes all over the house.

You were supposed to be the one that I would never stop loving.

But, just as I hoped, you became another long chapter of hurt in my book.

You became the best thing that I ever had, but yet you were also the worse person for my heart. However, if you were to come back and ask to do it all again, I would. I would say yes in a heartbeat because I can't keep living with all these 'what ifs'. I want memories with you. Not a what could have been.

I don't think we're meant to be.

If we were...if we were meant to be we would be.

I can't keep forcing something to happen, that most likely wasn't supposed to happen.

I have to let it all go. The way you kissed me. The way you smelled. The look on your face when I'd pull you closer to my chest, because I needed to feel your heart beat.