One Shots ❦ Camren + Others

#11: ghostin

(A/N) I know I keep dropping one shots when I say I'm gonna stop, but there's a lot of songs that's putting me in my feelings 🤧

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Though I wish she were here instead,
Don't want that living in your head,
She just comes to visit me,
When I'm dreaming every now and then...

***

Camila's POV

"I'm not a fucking toy, Lauren! You can't just pick me up and play with me whenever you feel like it and leave when you no longer want me!"

See, the thing about Lauren was that she was selfish. She didn't care about me. She didn't care about my feelings.

Everything needed to be done to suit her. I compromised my feelings, my wants, my needs for her.

Why?

Why would I be so stupid and do that?

I guess when you have feelings for someone, it blinds you to who they actually were.

"Camz...I.. I'm sorry," Lauren reached for me but I pulled away from her.

I was way too angry, and done being nice. Even the nicest of people have a breaking point.

"You're sorry?! You're sorry?" I practically spat at her. "What exactly are you sorry for Lauren?"

She couldn't meet my eyes  She seemed so different than the girl I once knew, than the girl I liked.

"For hurting you."

I nodded slowly. "Right. So you're not sorry for breaking my heart? You're not sorry for my sleepless nights? For the fact that I can't fucking think about you without feeling a pang of sadness in my heart?!"

Lauren looked into my eyes for a moment, and I could see the tears forming in her own eyes. She opened her mouth but the words didn't come.

"I can't keep doing this, Lauren," I felt my throat tighten. "I have wanted to be with you for almost a year now, and we've tried countless times to make this work, and this isn't going to ever work."

"I'll try," Lauren pleaded with me. "I'll change. I promise."

I shook my head 'no'. I've heard her say this way too many times. "You always say this, Lauren. And what do you do? We're okay for a month or two, and then...then you leave and I'm falling apart. I can't...my heart can't take it anymore."

"Camila, please. I know...I know I'm not perfect and I'm trying. I really want to try...I love you. Please." She reached for my hand, and I allowed her to take it. "Please, Camila."

"You know..." I said softly. "At one point, I did think that you love me, and I thought that our love could conquer it all. But love doesn't mean that we're happy."

Love doesn't justify putting yourself into the same position over and over.

Lauren and I had met almost a year ago. I was twenty one, she was twenty at the time. She became my best friend before I asked her to be my girlfriend. I may not have loved her, but I felt strongly towards her and I thought that at some point, maybe, I don't know, that we would've worked out.

But Lauren was broken too.

She was in love with me, and I was in love with someone else. I knew it ate her apart that I could love someone but that someone wasn't her.

"I let you back in you know?" I walked away from Lauren and began pacing. "When everything within me said not to, I let you back in because I wanted to love you. And just like I expected, you broke my heart."