One Shots ❦ Camren + Others

#14: Stop Asking Me To Come Back

Lauren's POV

The saddest thing I've learnt throughout my life, is that you cannot fix what does not want to be fixed. The only thing you can do, is simply just pick up the pieces. You can try with everything in you, but which does not want to be, will never go back together.

If I've learnt anything from life, it's that sometimes, the darkest times, it can bring us to some of the brightest places. I've learned that the most toxic people can teach us the most important lessons; that our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth; and that the most heartbreaking losses of love can make room for the most wonderful people.

I've learnt that sometimes what may seem as a curse in the moment, can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road, is actually just the discovery that we are meant to travel at our own pace.

I've learnt that even though things may seem scary, or hopeless, or even if we feel like all our strength is gone, we have to keep picking ourselves back up and moving forward.

Whatever we're battling in the moment will pass, and we will make it through. We've made it this far, didn't we?

At least, that's what I try to convince myself when I feel as though I'm falling apart.

That's what I try to convince myself when my heart is aching in my chest.

Heartbreak is such an odd experience.

Sometimes at seven in the morning, you wish you could stop the world even for a second because you want to hide away from it. Then at ten, you feel unstoppable and that maybe today is going to be your day. But then, at one in the afternoon, you're back from lunch with your coworkers and you're crying at your desk, drying your tears quickly because you don't want anyone to see.

At three, you feel as though you can manage, but then it's nine in the night, and you're curled up in bed, squeezing your pillow tightly and crying out into the void, wishing that you could feel anything...anything but this.

I hate her for giving up on me.

I hate her for giving up on us.

I hate you for hurting me. I hate you for making me cry and for leaving me when I needed you the most.

I hate you for what you've done. I hate you for ruining everything that we had.

I hate you for making me trust you when you were just going to break my heart...just like everyone else.

I hate you for making me love you so much.

Mostly... I hate you for making me look like a fool because after all that you've done to me, I still love you.

I feel like maybe the easiest way to get through it was to pretend that I could hate her, because then I could just leave and never have to look back. The same way she did.

And maybe, I do hate her, but definitely not in the way that I want.

***

So you told me to go,
You said don't turn around,
There was no going back,
Yeah, you said it,
You were all out of love,
Now you changing your mind,
I forgive you but I, can't forget it...