One Shots ❦ Camren + Others

#19: Lose You To Love Me

~ I needed to lose you to love me ~

***

Hey.

It's me.

I probably haven't crossed your mind in...well in, forever but you've been running across mine every waking moment.

It makes me sad that I don't cross your mind, that you don't think about me.

Can you do me a favour? Just hear me out. You and me, one more time down memory lane.

No ulterior motives.

Just us, reminiscing.

I'm sorry how everything turned out.

I'm sorry how I put so much into this, how I sacrificed so much for you all for naught.

I want to tell you that I miss you, with absolutely no subtext.

No guilt.

No anger.

No expectations, that you will fix it. I don't want you to fix it. Even if you could just wave a magic wand...I don't think I want you to.

I don't want you to feel bad or to tell me that it gets better. I know it gets better, but right now, I just miss you.

This is where we're supposed to be right now. You apart from me. My heart just a little sad, and my soul a tad bit too empty.

I just miss you.

I wanted you to know that.

The worst has happened, I think. I allowed myself the pleasure to feel. I allowed myself to feel things that I swore I would never feel again, because it hurts.

It's hurts so bad.

I could never understand why someone would willingly allow themselves to be hurt by someone, that was until I met you.

I allowed myself to love you, but you ripped my heart out and held it in your pocket.

So fucking tight, that it was extremely difficult to even breathe without it hurting.

I trusted your words.

I relished in your touch.

I savoured your kiss against my lips.

I always had a childlike desire to be with someone like you - to have the passion burning within my bones, the type of love that we once shared.

I once yearned for something like that.

Luck connected us once again, and I foolishly allowed myself to believe that you had changed, that you had loved me.

That you actually love me.

Except this time, everything was different. We had different motives this time.

Space and time, had dragged us further away from each other.

Maybe it's over.