One Shots ❦ Camren + Others

#20: Quite Miss Home

(A/N) First things first, to the reader who is constantly making fake ass accounts, and trying to talk to me on em all, I know it's you!! You ain't slick. Cut that shit tf out. It's been like what a year of you doing this shit. Frankly, it's creepy as hell and secondly, I ain't gay. Leave me tf alone. Cheers, mate.

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All these memories feel poignant...

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Lauren's POV

Have you ever lost someone?

I'm not talking about them walking away from you, although I'm not dismissing the fact that it hurts. I've felt that pain, and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

But I'm talking about another way you lose someone.

The utter despair and sadness that you feel when you accept that you're never going to be able to hear their voice again, to hold their hand, or just know that they're somewhere out there, roaming the earth with you.

That is a type of hurt I would never want to feel again.

It's a feeling I don't even want to feel right now.

I think that sometimes we grip onto this fear of being left alone, of letting go of someone that we wholeheartedly love and it's because we know the reality of it. That we'll never be able to love them again. We have our hearts emptied and void of every emotion and we can feel that ache of loneliness deep within our bones.

Everyone tells me that it's going to get better, or whatever that is supposed to mean.

What is 'better'?

I believe that the term is subjective, because to my family, as long as I've gotten out of bed, and made an appearance into the world, they think that I'm 'okay' again.

And that's far from the truth.

How can it get better?

Like, I am being serious as fuck, right now. How can it get better after everything that I've been through?

All the hurt, all the pain. I need an answer.

Please.

***

"How am I ever going to let you go?" I asked Camila, holding her hand as she laid in her hospital bed. She looked...for the lack of a better term, like death.

I think we both knew that her time on this earth was coming to an end, but I couldn't seem to accept it.

I didn't want to.

I couldn't.

"You don't have to." Camila whispered out. Her voice soft. Something that was as natural as speaking was taking a toll on her body. "You don't have to let me go. But you do...you have to move on...at one point."

"I would be so lost if you left me alone....I need you," I tried my best to keep my tears at bay. Camila didn't need to see me cry. She was already going through so much, she shouldn't have to deal with this too. "I don't know what I'll do without you."

She used her free hand to pull her oxygen mask down. "Please...don't think like that, Lauren. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please..."