One Shots ❦ Camren + Others

#31: Be Kind

I know you're chokin' on your fears,
Already told you I'm right here,
I will stay by your side every night...

***

I think the problem lies in accepting the love that we deserve.

We go our entire lives and all we do is settle.

We settle with a mediocre job.

We settle with the friends that we have even though we know they're no good for us. But we say that we've known them our entire lives so that's why we don't get rid of them.

We're okay with the relationship that we have, even though all it does is cause us pain.

But when something great comes along, we tend to get scared and push it away. We say that we don't want it, when in reality, we need it.

What's so wrong in finding a love that gives you the strength to learn to finally love yourself? A love that not only helps you to heal yourself but to heal others as well. A love that doesn't make you feel inferior, but rather it helps to break down every wall of uncertainty and pain that you've built to 'protect' yourself.

A love that teaches you that you are worth loving and you should never think otherwise.

Why can't you allow yourself to finally feel the love emitting from someone who sees all your imperfections, who sees just how hard it is to love you on your worst days but still allows themselves to love you?

***

"Why are you yelling at me?!" Rosalia snapped, causing Lauren to flinch, but she didn't say anything. "I'm trying to help you! But I'm not your punching bag."

Lauren's breath quickened, as she was fighting not to let the tears fall. All she ever felt like doing these days was crying, and she was sick and tired of doing so.

"We don't speak to each other like this," Rosalia's voice softened once she realised she might've upset her girlfriend. "This is hard for me too, Lauren. You have no idea how hard it is." She ran a shaky hand through her hair and took a seat on their bed; in their shared apartment.

They were quiet for a moment until Lauren finally spoke up. "You think I don't know? You think I don't know how hard this is? I'm fighting for my life. For my sanity. For the old me. Against some invisible force that I can't even fucking see!"

If you can't feel anything, if you can't think about anything other than what's tearing you apart, if you can't find it within you to move. To even leave your bed. Then what is the point of living?

What point is there to even be alive?

"I never said it wasn't hard for you, Lauren," Rosalia sighed heavily. "You're the one who's going through it. Your mind is the one that's torturing you and making you think and feel all these things. I'm not saying it's not hard for you. Because I can't even begin to fathom just how painful it is. But...it's hard for me too, and I never said anything in the fear of upsetting you, but I can't keep it in anymore."

"What do you mean?" Lauren asked after sometime, possibly trying to wrap her head around this.

It'll be false to say that Lauren didn't think that this would have some sort of impact on Rosalia and on her feelings, but for once in her life, she wanted to be selfish. She wanted to put her wants and her needs before someone else's.