Not Prince Charming (Completed)

13 - amnesia

“I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about this stupid little thing.”
~5 Seconds Of Summer (Amnesia)

She turns to me, “Why? So you can judge me? Make me feel worse than I already feel.”

“No, because I love you, that’s why.”

“What?” she asks in grave confusion.

I guess the cat’s already out of the bag, so there’s really nothing else to hide. “I love you, Avril. I knew I liked you from the first day I met you at that café.” I walk towards her.

The look on her face is horrific as she shakes her head. “No, you don’t. Why would you?”

“I don’t know, but I do.” It is the truth that has hunted me since I discovered how I truly felt. After what I’ve been through with Allison, I’d promised myself to give myself time to heal and although it’s been years, I didn’t think I’d heal enough or even ready to love again when I saw and fell for Avril.

“No, you don’t!” She says more to herself than to me, “Things have been fine the way they’ve been.”

“For who?” I ask, more of exclaiming in desperation, “I’ve been crazy about you and I’m miserable that you are not mine and you are still being abused and hurt by Noah. What more is there to lose?”

“Everything!” she replies, more emotions showing on her face than she wants and in them is fear, one that hit me at the core. “He told me he saved my mother and can easily take her from me. I don’t want that. I’ll live by his terms. I’m sorry, but loving me was a bad ide, Luke and you know it.”

I do not believe that I would accept anything but that.

I grab her by her arms and pull her closer. “No, I refuse to take it as a mistake.”

She yanks herself from my grip and shoves me in the chest, making me back away from her. “It is a mistake and you’re gonna take it as it is!”

I look up at her and my gaze locks on hers. “And you know I’ll never hurt you.me, You’re a little hard on me, don’t you think?”

“Not hard, just trying to protect myself and we don’t know that and just because you claim to love me does not mean I trust you.” She says sharply.

“You’re too scared to believe I love you.”

“If you love me, then don’t make me do things that would hurt me and those I care about.”

I press my lips together, trying to keep my eyes on her without getting angry, or throwing a blow against the wall. “Fine, this hurts a lot, but fine.” I say, hoping the pain doesn’t come out too much in my voice and walk away from her before asking, “Are we going to help me with this?” I raise the piece of paper she slammed to my chest about a while ago.

She takes a deep breath of relief as she seems more comfortable with the change in the subject, “Mr Joe says to help you memorize if you don’t come with your.” She replies and walks closer to me.

“Yeah, I didn’t think I’d be giving any speech. Hope it’s not too difficult.”

“No, it’s not. Here,” she collects the small paper in my hand, “I’ll read it, then you read it.”

I collect the paper, and our fingers touch. I feel the little contact light up my whole body and I think she must have felt it too, because she looks up at me silently before pulling her hands away and backing up a few steps.

I close up on her, and my arms wrap around her and pull her closer. She doesn’t struggle and I watch her blue eyes as she stares up into my eyes. I have to admit she’s a rare delight and I want to run my hand over her whole body and worship her like she truly deserves.

“You’re going to have to let me go, Luke.”

I’m not sure if she means letting go physically or emotionally, but whichever it is, I don’t think I want to let her go.

I shake my head vigorously and stubbornly murmur. “I don’t want to.”

Her tone is calm and understanding and in no way harsh. “You are gonna have to. It’s what we both need.”

I loosen my hands around her, and she moves away from me. “Read it.”

I do and after the first read, I ask, “Do I need to memorise it? I can just read it ‘cause I’ve got a shitty memory.” I admit feeling a little shame even though I’m not supposed to.

I’ve got a fucked up brain. It’s not a lie because. When I was nineteen, I was diagnosed with acute memory loss and partial amnesia, and even then I wasn’t surprised by the news because I couldn’t remember things that happened the day before. I forgot things easily, and I had to write down some things to keep them safe.

The only memorizes my brain finds good enough to save are the crucial ones, the tragic, hurtful, emotionally overwhelming ones and the heartbreaking ones. I can barely remember everything that happened yesterday.

So asking me to memorise this is like asking a train to pass through an airport.

“Is it that bad? Your memory loss?” I would not like to think too much about anything, but I am certain what I hear in her voice is a concern, and I yearn for it to remain.

An embarrassing smile breaks through my face. “It’s not severe, just partial. I might mix it up or forget the important parts.”

“As bad as this is if you make them think you can’t come up with an idea and have to read a book? We are students, we think far.”

I sigh, “Fine.”

Seven minutes later I’m able to not only know my words but recite them off heart and hope it stays locked in my brain. Avril was right. It was easier than it looked and felt on the first try to. I’m glad she was patient enough to see me through and hope I don’t make a mess of myself.

“Thank you, Ms Good.”

She smiles warmly at me. “You’re welcome, Luke.”

We walk together into the large hall where not less than a hundred students are waiting. Once I enter, I am introduced and there’s a round of applause offered by the student lecturers and sponsors.

Mr Philippe, one lecturer, ushers me to the stage and I take the mic, awkwardly clearing my throat because I’m not sure my brain still has a full grip on what we rehearsed.

I am not surprised by it, on a contrary, I won’t deny that I’m a little scared that I may have forgotten what we rehearsed, and I’m scared of making a mess of myself and letting Avril down. But when I look down at Avril, I see her smile and give an encouraging nod. I smile back and at this moment the fear and scepticism banish and I feel like we were the only ones in the hall and that I can open my mouth and only the right words will come out.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen, my name is Luke Castillo and with great pride and confidence I welcome you to the second phase of the Teach the world campaign.” I hear loud applause and cheer following my announcement.

“I am happy to announce that the last march was a complete success, and it’s all because of every one of you here who were and still are faithful to be with us today.”

“I’d like to thank our sponsors, our outstanding lecturers and the remarkable students of Leeds university. Because of you, education is going to hundreds and thousands of those who can’t afford it; starting from Leeds to the rest of the world. This march goes to show that we really can archive much if we put our mind to it..”

“As you step out, march with pride and honour and joy because we are starting our tomorrow from today. Thank you.”

That is the last I think, so I step back and I keep hearing the applause coming. I look at the front line where I’d seen Avril, but I can’t find her there anymore.

***