Outcasts

Chapter 9

Alex

I wake up slowly. Light creeps out from the window and hits my face. I blink several times before realising this and turn away. I never open the curtains let alone the blinds! I move my arm to cover my eyes only to drop it with a wince. My wrist burns. Even after I drop it, it still throbs and stings. I haven't felt pain like this since... Suddenly last night's events flood through my mind. Shit.

I look down at my wrist only to see it has been bandaged. There is no more blood except for what has seeped through the bandages. Panic seizes me. Luce bandages this way. Oh, God please tell me she didn't see me like this.

"You're finally awake I see.

I look up to see Alice in the doorway. In her hands she holds a tray of pancakes and eggs. I blink.

"Wha-? How-? How did you get in here?"

She smiles.

"I picked the lock."

"What? How? Why?"

"I picked the lock. Because I can. And I sensed something was wrong."

"Okay, miss master of intuition. Lucinda wasn't here, was she? These are her bandages..."

"No. Luce taught me how. That's why they look identical. Also, in case you didn't notice, I made breakfast so eat up."

She sets the tray on my lap.

"If you came here last night and bandaged me up you must want to know what happened..."

"I respect your privacy. I know it must have been something pretty bad if it made you react like that."

"That's the thing. I don't know what triggered it."

"Well that's simple enough. You're an addict."

"Excuse me?"

"You're addicted to cutting yourself. It happens. You still need some kind of trigger but it doesnt take much for you to crave it."

"You make it sound like your an expert."

"You'd be surprised..."

I look at her expectantly but she doesn't elaborate. Then she notices I haven't touched my food.

"Eat."

I obey, taking a piece of pancake and putting it in my mouth.

"Did Luce teach you how to cook, too. "

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

She says sternly but smiles.

I eat in silence for a while. Then she speaks softly,

"I know you're in love with Luce."

I nearly choke on my eggs. She reaches over to the nightstand to pick up a glass of orange juice and hands it me.

"Thanks."

"You didn't answer."

I sigh.

"At this point I just don't know."

She leaves it at that.

"Tomorrows Valentine's Day."

"So I've heard."

"Can you imagine her sleeping with another man?"

"I don't want to think of her having sex with another man. I disturbs me."

"You mean Nathan don't you?"

I don't answer.

She shrugs.

"Its up to her whether she wants to wants to sleep with him."

We don't say anything for a while. Suddenly breakfast seems a lot less enticing.

She takes the tray and puts it on the nightstand.

"You know, maybe you should try it yourself."

"Try what?"

She leans forward casually while watching my curious stare, and places a short kiss on my lips. Drawing back she gauges my stunned expression before adding, "Sleeping with another girl. No strings attached."

I look away. I'm not quite sure how to feel. Sure I've slept with other girls before. But now the idea just seems foreign. An uncomfortable silence passes before I ask almost quietly,

"Are you offering now? I thought you swing the other way."

She bursts out laughing.

"Who told you that?"

"Uh... Lucky."

"Lucky was probably covering for himself."

"Yeah probably..."

She shrugs, "Even if I was... Sex is just sex."

I stare off at an invisible point in space, dazed.

She slowly reaches a hand to push off the fringe that was covering my eye and traces her fingers down the side of my face. Again she leans forward and we share another kiss.

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I was never really interested in Alice. At least not in a sexual way. Yeah she was a beautiful girl but I didn't really think I'd end up in a situation like this with her.

Alice had her back pressed against the mattress. I felt her lips brush my cheek. I kiss her neck tentatively. She shudders, and her back arches.

Her nails dig into the flesh of my back.

At last I say, "I don't want this," my voice husky and strained. "This isn't right."

Despite the words I had just spoken, I did want this. I felt it consuming me, and yet I still felt guilty.

She pushes me back gently and take my face in her hands.

"It's okay. I understand," she said. "It was a mistake. I guess I couldn't help myself."

"I... I'm sorry." I struggled with relief and intense disappointment.

"Shhh."

She presses a finger firmly against my lips.

"Don't be."

Then she gets out from under me, pulls her clothes back on, and quietly opens the door. She disappears through it leaving me confused and frustrated with myself.

And the bitter taste of betrayal in my mouth.