Outcasts

Chapter 13

Luce

Life's been quiet. The previous murders hang over us like a shadow of despair. Families have been devastated. Outcasts have been warned. I haven't spoken with anyone in weeks. Only Alice, since I've become her counselor of sorts.

Sometimes I cant help but get lost in my thoughts, like Nathan. Sometimes I wish he still loved me like he used to. We were childhood sweethearts, driven apart by grief. He was so handsome then. He still is. But something has been lost. He doesn't look at me the same way. He doesn't look at me with joy. He only looks with sadness. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I miss it. I miss his kisses. His words of sweet nonsense. When you're fifteen a love like that is just a dream. But it was real.

Until it shattered.

I mourn. Not like Nathan. I don't mourn letting it show in my expression, my actions, my very being. I mourn inside. I mourn him. That such a wonderful person could be hurt so badly. So that he is never the same. I mourn him everyday. Perhaps its selfish. But when you give not only three years, but the rest of your life to a hollow man, it is all you can do.

I had a nightmare last night. It started as a sweet dream. Nathan was as he was before. Happy. Loving. Affectionate. His hand was on my wrist. "I loved you Lucinda. I always did." he says.

He never says my name anymore. Before the accident, he would always call me by my full name. He said it was such a beautiful name he never wished to part with a single syllable of it.

Then he smiled. He hasn't smiled in years. I always loved his smile. Such a pity the world had to be deprived of such a beautiful smile.

But then the smile shifts into a look of pain and sadness.

"Please, please save me, Lucinda. I don't want to lose you! I don't want you to leave me!"

I grip his hand tightly, almost in a death grip.

"Of course, I won't, Nathan. I love you."

"Please, Lucinda, please."

And he's fading away. His hand is no longer in my reach. And we fall. Far away from each other.

"Nathan!"

The dream shifts and I'm on the ground, in an alley. I can smell the sewer water. There is a figure above me. A man. He has a knife. He cuts through my shirt and carves a cross into my body. Then he engraves words that shake me to my very core.

Cheat. Liar.

"Lucinda! Wake up! Its just a dream! Get up!"

And then I wake sobbing and terrified, in Nathan's arms. He shouts at me to get up. I try to form words but all I can do is sob and bury myself in him.

He holds me and mutters sweet nonsense to calm me down.

Its times like these that make me wonder. Is it him who needs me, or I who need him?

It was on that night that I realised.

Nathan is and always will be my entire world.