Time Bomb •ch•

38. Not about Angels

{A/n I suggest listen to Not about angels by Birdy. If you have a heart you'll cry}

I took one last look in the mirror. I really don't know how to dress for these sorts of things. Actually, I don't even know what sort of thing this qualifies as. I scan over myself once again.

I am have a plain fitting white t-shirt, tucked into some black, loose, material high waisted shorts, with a black cardigan and just for today I decided to wear my plain black Doc Martins. I put my lilac hair up in a loose but neat bun, with some pink lip gloss and black winged eyeliner.

I am really beyond nervous. I feel like I want to vomit out my window and then throw myself out of it. I took a deep breathe and grabbed my bag and my moms car keys.

I ran out the door and locked up the house. I hoped into the my moms black Honda and just before I put the keys into the ignition, I felt a buzz in my pocket.

I pulled my phone out to see I had gotten a text message from Luke.

From: Lukey Pooky

Hey fairy girl (btw still not over that. I'm still more magical than you and Micky.) I haven't talked to you in a while. Is everything ok???

I decided to ignore that and just shoved my phone back into my pocket. I quickly shoved the keys in the ignition and drove out of my drive way and towards the hospital.

No, I am not ok. I am about to go visit my very sick mother. Who only has a about a month to live and I feel like such a piece of crap because she has been sitting in that hospital for a couple weeks and I haven't even found out about any of this until a couple days ago.

Without warning the tears started flowing. I slammed my fists into the stirring wheel.

I was so damn scarred to even go. I probably wouldn't of gone if it wasn't for Calum, who practically talked me down until I agreed to go see her. I wanted him to come but he told me it was something I had to do alone.

Before I knew it I pulled into the hospital parking lot and parked. I just sat there in the drivers seat and felt the tears just keep streaming down my face like I can't even control them.

That's how everything has been seeming lately. I feel like I can't control my self. I feel like I'm going insane. I haven't spoken to any of my friends in a while. I just figured out my mom has cancer and is going to die.

She has been a pretty crappy mom most of my life and has done nothing but put me down even after she knew what Victor put me through. I told myself she doesn't deserve my sympathy but I can't help it. I can't help but be scared. Scratch that, petrified of what will happen to me. She is all I have left.

I angrily fisted my hair, ruining my bun. I think I might literally going to go insane.

The only thing that's keeping me from jumping off a cliff is Calum. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that Calum actually likes me.

I feel like this is all some sort of twisted dream. I keep having this feeling like something is going to go wrong and everything is going to fall apart. I know I told him no more lies but I can't let him know everything about my past, about middle school.

And what about Destiny?!? Who knows what kind of secrets she knows about me and she might release them to the whole school. If see even sees me and Calum are talking she say something and I don't know what the fuck I am going to do.

I know I sound like some self centered bitch. You know maybe I am one or maybe I'm just some crazy girl fooling herself into thinking she is sane.