I woke up in the morning as the light shined in. I groaned and rolled over and pulled the cover back over my head. Here it is day 2 of cruise: photo shoot, concert and Valentine (girl) ball. I am not moving, I am staying here. That comment hurt last night almost as bad as the comment about my weight by Joe when we were in the woods. I close my eyes again not caring it is breakfast time. I heard footsteps coming, several footsteps. Oh no they have come to tag team me.
"I know you're there. I know you're up too. So you better be up" Jon
"Look, I am sorry about last night. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I don't think she meant it" Donnie
"Are you even coming? I am hunnnnnggggrrryyyyy. I am wasting away just standing here" Joe
"You have to come out and save from these lot" Danny "You promised to help with the gym". He was right about that. I did promise him I'd help. Before I even got out of bed all you could hear was Donnie and Joe calling my name over and over again in annoying way.
" J, J, JORDAN, JORDY, JOOORRRDDDAAANNNNNN". In the end I got up and opened the door.
"What you're not even dressed yet?" They all looked at me wearing a white t shirt and my famous red flannel pajama pants.
"Come on, I am hungry. Didn't you hear me? I want to eat something before the photo shoot". Oh forgot about that. I turned around went back in my cabin. They were all still outside when I jumped back in bed. Jon and Donnie came in, soon the last two followed in. Danny shut the door while Joe ordered room service as we look like we are going to eat here. Jon and Donnie dragged me off my bed by my feet.
"Why did you do that for?"
"You can't hide from your problems J".
"How come you're allowed to hide away?" I said. I walk out onto the balcony. I feel the cold floor on my bare feet. Both Jon and Donnie follow me out "I can't cope with it anymore, what with my mixed emotions, anxiety and panic attacks, my anger and the nightmares. I thought being here with the fans will help me get over it but its making it worse. I am worried about my show tomorrow, I am not ready to do it. I am not ready for any of this. I thought I was, like you said I would be ready but I don't feel it. This feels worse then when I thought I could cut it as a solo artist after we broke up". I fall to the floor with my back against the wall. Joe sticks his head out.
"Food has arrived". He looks down and notices me on the floor and Jon down next to me. Donnie moves over to Joe as he does so he puts a hand on Jon's shoulder.
"We will leave you guys some. Come in when ready". Jon nods and carries on soothing me.
"This is how you felt before you quit, right?".
"Don't you dare do that?"
"I can't keep doing this. How did you become all so calm and connected?. Where's your anxieties? You gave them to me".
"Mine are still there. But cos you need me more, little brother. I have something to focus on instead of my own problems. Plus I am in the background now letting you lot out in front in interviews and stuff. I am able to be me".
"Why can't I?. I am useless up front now. You heard what that girl said yesterday. I am not me anymore. I am boring Jordan now. I can't always hide behind Donnie when on stage. I am becoming more like you" You hit me in the arm. "Ow".
"It will take time. You have PTSD and may have that for a long time maybe for the rest of your life. You had a serious head injury which damaged your brain. It's going to take time. You will be fine in the long term. You can not quick fix it. Maybe you need to explain all of it to the fans. I am sure they would be very understanding. Come on let's eat before there is nothing for us".
"When did you become so bossy?"
"Always have. It's in the job title of being big brother". He pulls me up from the floor and puts his arm around me as we go back in to eat and get ready for the photo shoot.
YOU ARE READING
Never Alone(Sequel to Back to Life)
Fanfiction(Completed) Jordan Is now has slowly recovered from the effects of the accident they had on tour last year. If he is really going to recover he will need to find that special someone so Jordan is then never alone.
