(Completed) Jordan Is now has slowly recovered from the effects of the accident they had on tour last year. If he is really going to recover he will need to find that special someone so Jordan is then never alone.
I woke up in the morning a little disoriented to where I was. I wipe my sleepy eyes and noticed I was cuddled up to someone. I had the same panic I had in Oslo. I look again and it was Caitlin. Really J can you remember where you are now. But why I am naked as I look down at myself and she is too. Oh no. I start to wheeze as I'm panicking. Where's my inhaler? Where are my clothes? I can't stay like this. Where is even my suitcase? I move off the bed but I still wake Caitlin.
"What's wrong, J? Are you alright?".
I look at her and move like a scared animal, still wheezing as fuck. I run to her bathroom and shut the door. There were my clothes from last night on the floor. I know they are not clean but I need to wear something so I put on my boxer briefs. I pick up my jeans from the floor and found my inhaler in the pocket. I take my inhaler as there is a knock at the door.
" Are you OK?". Knock. "Do you want me to call Jon?".
" No need I'm OK?" I replied. I put on my clothes from yesterday only so I had something on. My wheezing started to disappear. I open the door trembling as I was still panicking.
"Are you sure as you don't look it?".
" I'm fine," I said a little harshly as Caitlin backed away.
"OK" she replied. She came over to me this time to hug me but I bolted. I ran like a scared animal. "If it's because of last night I'm sorry. I should have stopped it if I only knew you weren't ready. You seemed so confident. If was it because you fell asleep. You having been touring for nearly three months. You're exhausted. And you were emotionally exhausted last night too. I'm not upset about it. You shouldn't be either".
I hear her go downstairs to the kitchen from where I was hiding. I know I disappointed her last night. I knew it would happen and that's why it's taken such a long time. I thought I was ready last night. If I never felt like this then we would have done it in London or Manchester. I rub my face with my hands and run them through my messy hair. I need to find where I put my suitcase I need some clean clothes. Caitlin has left me to it as she hasn't come to find me. I am now standing in her living room. Ahh, there's my suitcase tucked in the corner probably where I left it. I pick it up and go upstairs to change. I come back downstairs after changing into clean clothes. I smell coffee and food. I walk into her kitchen, where she was cooking breakfast.
" You appeared J. I was getting worried I might have to get the rescue team out. Oh, watch out for Max". Too late, as he came up to me and shook himself getting me all wet. "Sorry Jordan". I look to where Max had been and it's raining. " Well, welcome to the UK it always rains here". She finishes serving up our food and places a plate in front of me as I sit down.
"I don't know if I can eat all of this. It does look delicious Caitlin".
" You will as Jon warned me. He wants you to eat properly".
"But a fried breakfast isn't healthy" I teased. There was sausages, bacon, fried egg, baked beans, tomato, mushroom and fried bread. A proper fried English breakfast.
"Just eat it or I will facetime your brother".
" You wouldn't dare".
"Oh, I would. Now eat". He's on vacation somewhere anyway. She wouldn't dare. " There's OJ in the fridge if you want to add something healthy".
"Did you know I was coming early?".
" Maybe. That's why the fridge and cupboards are full of food".
"I can't tell him anything".
" Joe didn't say anything".
"I meant a certain older brother". I carried on eating making it was all gone. I felt better with some food inside me. I went to help her with the dishes but told me no.
" You're a guest".
"No, I'm the boyfriend. You cooked. I wanna help". I fight the urge to kiss her only cos I'm scared it might lead to something. She notices as there was a sad look on her face. She looked away and carried on loading the dishwasher. I walked out of the room towards the living room. There was a chair by the window so I sat there looking out watching the rain. I realise but I start to sing softly.
My love I'll never find the words, my love To, tell you how I feel, my love Mere words could not explain
Precious love You held my life within your hands Created everything I am Taught me how to live again
Only you care when I needed a friend Believed in me through thick and thin This song is for you and with gratitude and love
God bless you You make me feel brand new For God blessed me with you You make me feel brand new I sing this song 'cause you Make me feel brand new
My love Whenever I was insecure You build me up and made me sure You gave my pride back to me
Precious friend With you, I always had a friend You're someone who I can depend To walk a path that sometimes bends
Without you Life has no meaning or rhyme Like notes to a song out of time How can I repay you for having faith in me
God bless you You make me feel brand new For God blessed me with you You make me feel brand new I sing this song 'cause you Make me feel brand new
I am still singing to 'You make me feel brand new ' when Caitlin walked in. She smiles as she listens to me.
"You have a lovely voice, Jordan".
" Thanks but it's not as strong as it was over two years ago".
"Honestly it doesn't sound any different".
" It does. I can tell".
"Are you feeling any better? What was up this morning?".
" I am fine. It was nothing".
"It didn't seem to be earlier".
" What are we going to do today?" I changed the subject. If I wasn't scared about what she thinks of me in the bedroom, that's where we would be spending the day.
"We could watch a movie. When it clears up we can take Max for a proper walk".
" I would like that". The first intimate thing I did today as I kissed her on the cheek. She smiled but didn't push for anything else. As she could see the scared look in my face still. We spent the day watching movies while it rained outside. I hope it doesn't do this the whole time I am here. Caitlin later tried to sit closer to me but I moved away slightly.
"You scared because of what we did last night. As you won't touch me or let me touch you. Do you remember what we did last night?" I allowed her to touch my hand. She brought it up to her mouth to kiss it. "You won't let me kiss you so I will kiss your hand". The feeling I had last night was back with a vengeance. I need to block out the memories of last night. Too late as my grown man wants to party.
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