Never Alone(Sequel to Back to Life)

Tour: Copenhagen 3

When I woke up, I looked like death warmed up. I was still drunk from last night. I had black bags under my bloodshot eyes and I had a green tint to my skin. I feel nauseous. Do I remember anything? No. As I woke up, I woke both Jon and Joe who stayed the night to look after stupid me. Yet again. I am still in a nightmare. I am sure of it as I wouldn't fuck up so many times as I have at the moment if I was not in a nightmare. I have to apologise to everyone at breakfast. Oh, the thought of food made me rush to the bathroom. I feel queasy as I tried to run or walk to the bathroom. I did manage to vomit into the toilet though. I came out of the bathroom and slid down the wall and landed on my ass on the floor. I close my eyes hoping the world would stop spinning for a while. 

" Are you alright J?". I shook my head no slowly, carefully not to send me into another dizzy spell. I feel awful. Well, it's my own fault. It's always my fault. "You still feeling rough". I try to nod again but the world was spinning. " Why don't you sit back in bed again".

"I can't move. The room is moving too much".

" You shouldn't have drunk last night because of your medication but you have only been sober for less than a year. You have never been good at that".

"Seven years thank you". 

" But you still broke that on cruise 9 though".

"I was in pain it was the only thing and painkillers that kept me going".

" You left the hospital too early and we should have postponed the cruise to allow you to recover".

"What, and upset everybody". 

" They would have understood if it was about your health".

"I wouldn't".

" You need to think of yourself and not what people think. That goes for what's going on with the record label".

"It's true J" replied Joe "You look rough J".

" Thanks a lot, Joe".

"I'm hungry. Let's go and get breakfast" replied Joe. I started to feel sick again. I don't want to go. "You need something too J".

" No, I don't". I feel nauseous. I wobble back into the bathroom again. I dry retch as nothing as nothing is coming out now. 

"Come on J, you're coming too. You need something for your hangover".

" I don't want anything. I feel nauseous". He had to guide me as I couldn't walk in a straight line. Jon disappeared I guess to find Caitlin. Joe had his hands on my shoulders guiding me downstairs for food but I don't want any. I should have picked up my sunglasses as my eyes are half closed but at least I did put my hat on. So I pull the cap down over my eyes. I look like a wreck. I feel it too. Somehow he dragged my ass to breakfast and we made it somehow. I had to stop a few times as I wanted to puke as the room was spinning still. I didn't drink that much last night but enough to make me feel the way I do. I guess Jon is right my meds are the cause of it too. I am so living in a nightmare. We fly to Rotterdam soon. I better drink some coffee. A plate of food gets placed in front of me. I stare at it not moving. I start feeling nauseous again, I can feel bile coming up my throat. Donnie makes retching noises as I sound like I'm going to vomit again. I place a hand over my mouth to try and stop myself. Caitlin looks over at me with worry.

"You need to eat something J" replied Jon.

"I can't". I make retching sounds again. 

"J please I am trying to eat here" complains Joe. I get up but with difficulty as I start to wobble. Caitlin gets up to help but gets told to sit down by Jon who goes to help me. He helps me back to my room for an hour before we have to leave for Rotterdam. How I am going to get there. I feel rough still. 

A few hours later we do arrive in Rotterdam, I included. The flight attendants made sure I was OK through the flight. I wanted to sleep like when I was sick on the cruise coming home. Still, I hated the fuss. I need to make sure I have my present for Caitlin, for our date tonight.


                                                *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Caitlin and I are going on an official date. She leaves tomorrow. She leaves the day before my birthday. I am going to be so lonely. We arrived in Rotterdam this morning. I found a nice posh restaurant for us for dinner. She is going to be spoilt tonight. I have been ready for a while and I am just waiting for Caitlin to get ready. She and Jenny have been taking too long. I don't know how I am doing this because this morning I was hungover from last night. I still feel nauseous but that might be the nerves now. I haven't done this in years like years. I feel like a scared teenager going on his first one. 

Soon she is standing there in front of me, looking so beautiful. She smiled at me because of the way I was looking at her. Jenny left us alone after she was done.

"You look beautiful Caitlin" I replied, "Wow, just wow".

" You don't look that bad either J," she said "How are you feeling?. You feeling any better. Jordan you have been looking rough all day".

" Fine now. Especially looking at you now". I walk over to her and kiss her on the lips. "Let's go". 

We arrive at the restaurant, I am feeling a little hungry. The host sits us at a table out in the back somewhere private for us so I don't get any hassle. 

" I am still sorry about those fans and what they said to you. Please don't take it to heart they are just jealous. So to make it official properly I have taken you on a date. So hi my name is Jordan or J".

"Jordan" replied Caitlin in an annoyed way.

"No, we are starting this properly. Hi, my name is Jordan or J. Nice to meet you. And you are".

" Caitlin".

"Good to meet you, Caitlin". I take her hand and bring it up to my mouth and I kiss her hand. We carry on our silly first date laughing and giggling at each other antics. We finished our meal and drinks. I look at her, she looks back at me with a worried look on her face. 

" Caitlin from that first day you walked up to me when I was hiding from the soundcheck in London you have been there for me. I know I have been difficult in ways and that our relationship has been stuck in first gear because of me. You have been by my side and still there. I can't thank you enough. No words can say how much you mean to me. I don't care what anyone says, you are my rock, the one who keeps me grounded. I thank you. So I give you this promise ring. So when we are apart from each other because of the tour. When you wear this you know I will always be there". I place the ring on her finger. She looks at it and then back at me with a smile. 

"Thank you, Jordan". 

" Wait there's more"I give a small box. She opens it and takes out the locket "Open the locket". She does so. There once the locket is opened there was a picture of each us in it. 

" I love it" she replies. She leans over to me and kisses me on the lips. 

"We better get back," I said. 

We are once back at the hotel, back to our room. I feel better now. I take her in my arms. I kiss her on the lips. Caitlin reaches up to me and kisses me with passion. I moan. She pushes up against me. I moan again. Caitlin removes my jacket. My hands move around to pull her in. Our tongues meet together in our kiss. It's getting a little hot here. She starts to unbutton my shirt which soon ends up on the floor. I walk the two of us towards the bed. She is the one moaning now. I pull her zipper on the dress which is removed. I push her gently onto the bed while we are still kissing each other. I move to be on top of her on the bed still kissing her.  Our hands are roaming over each other bodies. My body trembles as I feel her hands over my pecs, biceps and over my abs. Her hands move towards my pants and she starts to undo my belt. Then I realise what we are doing and I move quickly. 

"I can't do this"......