"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK?".
" It means I am going to be plain old me not a pop star anymore". I tried to shut the door but his foot is against it. I reached around the door and pushed him out of the way maybe a little too much, he landed butt first on the floor. I told you I hate my body at the moment. Another thing to put on the list more strength now. I slammed in the door in his face. I jump back in bed.
"MOM!". Now, who sounds like a teenager. Did I lock my door? I guess I will find out soon as I wrap myself up tightly in my duvet and place a pillow over my head. Go away I need to think about me, my life, my career, me and my family of me and my sons. Caitlin too.
The rest of the day I stayed in my room hidden under my duvet and pillows. There was no sound from anyone in the house. So I guess they have gone out or actually finally left me alone. I need to think but I can't there is too much going on in my head. I pick up my phone look through the numbers for my therapist. He was always good at getting into my head. I need someone to help me with all the questions I need to sort out.
Do I still want to be a popstar
Do I still want to be a member of a boyband
Do I still want to do what I do
Do I want to be plain old me
Could I live without my love of music
What would I do next with my life
I call him and have a quick chat with Phil my therapist who booked me sometime tomorrow before we fly out back to the others. It's dark outside and still, no one has come up. Mom must have told Jon to leave me alone and let me come to them. I should get up but don't want to. I bury myself under all my bedding. I soon realise I am lucky when I am at Jon's or hotel for ensuite bathroom. I try to unwrap myself but I end on the floor in a heap duvet on top of me. I groan as I landed on the floor. I get up and tiptoe to the bathroom. Once I finished, I checked if the coast was clear. It was so I tiptoe back to my room. This was like I was when I first moved in with my brother after I was kicked out of my home at Christmas. I spent so much of my time in my room and in bed. Here I am doing it again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
I wake in the morning with my phone ringing. What time is it?. I move to have a look at my phone. My therapist is ringing me why?. Wait what time is it?
" Hello".
Jordan aren't you supposed to be somewhere
"Huh"
You arranged an appointment with me yesterday. Did you forget?
"No. Overslept".
It's 3 in the afternoon
" Is it?"
Yes. Text me where you are staying. And I meet you there.
"OK"
Right, see you in an hour. Don't fall back to sleep.
"Huh".
I text him the address. I get up and get dress. I did find it hard to do as I wasn't motivated to do so. I just want to sleep away the day again. We are supposed to leave tomorrow. But I am not going. I want my life back. I want me back. I don't people accusing me of doing what they think I do but they goddamn know I don't do it. I am in a vest and trackie pants. I wasn't motivated to dress but I dress in workout clothes. I roll my eyes at myself and groan.
I look at myself in the mirror I look rough messy hair and look like I haven't had enough sleep I look exhausted but not as rough as a couple of years ago when I was in severe depression. I do look good almost the old happy me is shining through. Then I look at my body I have filled out more, I don't look like that skinny rake I was or the fat drunk I was either. I look muscular but I don't like it because I look more like Danny. I was always lean and lanky. There have been times that I have a muscular chest during of the tours. But never like this, I almost could be an amateur bodybuilder. Through my vest t-shirt, you can see my new muscular body, more defined pecs and bigger biceps. I flex myself in the mirror I am ripped. I pull my shirt up and I look at my 8 pack. I have always had a slight 6 pack going but never really defining but nothing like now I have well-defined abs now. A proper 8 pack going on. I look like a vain guy in the gym checking himself out in the mirror. But I don't like it.
YOU ARE READING
Never Alone(Sequel to Back to Life)
Fiksi Penggemar(Completed) Jordan Is now has slowly recovered from the effects of the accident they had on tour last year. If he is really going to recover he will need to find that special someone so Jordan is then never alone.
