I have been allowed back after a week of rest. While I was ordered to take time off to rest after my accident, I kept trying to go to rehearsals with Jon. I even sat in his car on both day 1 and day 2. On day 3 I turned up at the warehouse for rehearsal by taxi as I haven't driven since the accident an hour after they got there. Days 4 and 5 I tried to sneak out of the house but one of the guards who is keeping an eye on me caught me. He seems to be everywhere I thought of to sneak out. He knew all the tricks Joe and I used to use in our younger days. The last two days I gave up and stayed at home bored and alone. Not really as I had my two boys with me. So we played basketball, video games and they helped me in the gym. They now live with me, one does when not at college.
Well, here I am standing again by the stage, I am shaking like a leaf even though I have Jon and my youngest son next to me. I have only a few weeks left before we start. I have been on stage since our accident but that was not even our show or our stage. Joe and Donnie were on the stage discussing something. They smile at me when they realise I was there.
"Are you alright J?" replied Danny who came up next to me.
"Yeah. Fine". I was trying to wave off any nervous feelings by saying I was alright when really I wasn't. I was trembling in front of my son.
" No, Dad's not. He's shaking like anything." I glare at Eric who doesn't say anything but runs off towards the stage to Joe.
"I will be alright I think. I got to do it. If I don't do this there are going to be upset fans".
"We all will take it easy on you, brother. You can be behind me and come up to the front when you are ready". I just look at him as he and Danny walk towards the stage. I just stand there watching them. WHY CAN'T I DO THIS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?. I am still just standing there now everyone is looking at me.
" Maybe we need to bribe him to get him up here" joked Donnie.
Jon glared at him and shook his head "Not a time for a joke D".
"Why don't we start rehearsing songs on up here and maybe J might join us. We all know he's worried about messing up and bringing up bad memories" said Joe.
"When did you become so resourceful?" replied Jon still looking in my direction. I hadn't moved, I was rooted to the spot. I was frozen except for a nervous twitch now and then.
"You know me to like to surprise you".
"Right let's go people. Get to your places. Let's run through some songs and routines" orders our choreographer "Where's Jordan?". They all looked at each other trying not to look where I was. Allowing me my chance to come up on stage on my own accord and not being ordered too.
"I will stand in for my dad"
"We have icke J now" replied Donnie as he ruffled my son's hair. They give him my microphone. He stands next to Donnie. Donnie looks over in my direction but I have disappeared. He shook his head as he moved his glance before Jon noticed I'd gone.
While they were going through the songs I was sat in the background by the refreshments. I can hear them in the distance even I can hear my son too. I cover my face with my hands and rub them over my face. Why can't I do this? What's wrong with me? I thought I got rid of all this. I hoped I got rid of all this. I touch the pocket of my jacket and realise I have my anxiety medication there. I take a bottle of water and take my medication. It won't work for a while but it's something. I look over towards the stage area and see them going through the routines. I watch my son go through the routines with them without a care in the world. I hear them go through the first album melody, his voice fits to Stop it girl and Popsicle. I walked up to the stage listening to him sing Didn't I. Without realising I was singing it too. Everyone turned around and looked at me.
"We knew you would be back J".
"You just needed that bribery of your son singing your songs to kick you up the ass to get here".
"What took so long?"
"Medication needed to work".
"Glad you are here now little brother". Well, I'm not as I look down at my shaking hands try and hold onto my microphone which I was given back. IS THIS EVER GONNA STOP.
So the last few weeks before everything was shipped over for the start of the tour, we rehearsed every bit of the tour for me to remember. Funny thing I remembered most of it. There were bits that I was still shaky on. It will come, I was helped at home to practice too by both my sons. I CAN DO THIS. MAYBE I SHOULD LOOK INTO A HYPNOTIST.
YOU ARE READING
Never Alone(Sequel to Back to Life)
Hayran Kurgu(Completed) Jordan Is now has slowly recovered from the effects of the accident they had on tour last year. If he is really going to recover he will need to find that special someone so Jordan is then never alone.
