eyes closed~~rants

.

everyone wants me dead and that's just a fact of life

i need to move out of my house for good because i'm fucking fed up of my parents taking everything out on me because my body is fucking me over

it's damaging to my mental health

i don't want to hear it

i don't want to hear my parents scream at me for something that wasn't even my fault

i can't even think of anywhere where i'd be welcomed

everyone in my family is the same as my parents

they get angry because i'm "difficult"

it would be easier if i just ended my life right here right now

but i can't do that

because then even when i'm dead people will be blaming me because i was the one who did it.

i wasn't murdered

it didn't happen naturally

i killed myself

i'll be blamed for that

which is sick and twisted

because people should be looking into why i did it, because the people in my life who have caused this are the real culprits

it's gotten to the point where when i'm out in public i hope that one of the drivers in drunk and it kills me, or there's a murderer in the crowd waiting to stab me, or there's a group of boys who decided to be extra evil

i can't do it by myself

but i want to die

and i want someone else to do it for me

just so that i don't have to hear it ever fucking again

but maybe they're right

maybe everything is my fault

i'm probably a burden on everyone but i don't even know it because i don't pay enough attention

yet another reason why i should be dead

i won't get to do everything i want to do, but fucking hell i don't care anymore

my life wouldn't be successful anyway

might as well save myself the embarrassment of trying

i'm sorry you guys had to read this

but then again i'm not sorry

i needed to get this out of my system and no one else will listen

my friends hate it when i get like this because they have to listen to me

i don't blame them

i'm annoying as fuck