I told the truth
And I was shut down
By a face I remembered in the glow of christmas lights
And you listened
and you don't believe me now
because he's right by your side
my demons claw at my throat
I'm spitting up blood
I can't scream loud enough for you to hear
the truth bleeds out of my veins
I can't believe I'm here again
I wouldn't lie
But my smile is shifty
I know I can fake it well
because I'm always okay
but this time I am drowning
again
you're not even here to deceive me
but I'm hanging from guitar strings
and your laughter rings in my ears
I'm damaged from you
but I'm the bad guy for trying to move on
I'm trying to let go
but you know how hard I hold on to my trauma
Maybe she was right
I need to change my smirk
I'm not crazy I promise
and no I wasn't lying
I'm sorry you don't believe me
but I know what happened
God knows
And my silence rings in your ears
and you get away with it again
I know I am not just the victim
I know i wronged you too,
that speaks like the smoke out of my mouth
from cigarettes you loved to smoke
just be happy instead of consumed
but I want to take my life
all this shit is too much
and his arms are too far away
because of an attempted murderer
because of my own actions
I'm falling into depression again
don't let me paint
but I think
I will
