BTS One Shots and Flash Fictions (Book 1)

Without Reason || Yoongi One Shot

 ~Yoongi~

Sometimes, if I sat down by myself in silence, I could still hear the strings of your guitar. I had memorized the way your tiny, fragile fingers would pluck at the individual strings because you refused to use a pick. I was always bandaging the callouses that formed on your fingertips, but I didn't mind. You were worth it. Your music was worth it. I loved your music. You were always working on a new song and after I begged and pleaded you'd give me a sneak peak before it was finished. Sometimes you'd even let me finish it with you. Those were my favorite memories. The ones where you were on the couch and I was on the piano and we'd play well into the night. The only thing that stopped us would be a phone call from your roommates telling you to come home because you had work the next morning.

I could've listened to you for days, and I could've watched you for weeks. Your body was a song that I never wanted to stop playing, and I knew every word, every note, every rhythm. There was no part of your symphony that I hadn't already memorized and gone over a thousand times. And no matter how often I replayed your songs, I never grew sick of them. Every time I hit the play button I learned something new because you never stopped surprising me. You were special like that.

You never needed a specific reason to play or to write because everything inspired you. One day it would be the way the birds chirped in the morning, and another day it would be the way the wind blew by you and gave you a chill. You could write a song inspired by the way people conversed with one another as they walked about the street. I never understood how you could remain so inspired when everything around you was falling apart. Even when we were falling apart and I refused to see it you remained inspired. You never stopped making music.

They could've taken everything away from you, but you'd still find a way to play; even if it was just for a short moment. Even if it was just one chord. That was all you needed. It took nothing for you to get a melody in your head and once it was there you couldn't get it out until you made a song. I was always amazed by how driven you were to make music. It mirrored my own passion and drive and I think that's why I fell for you. I saw myself in you. I saw it in the way you'd stay up for all hours of the night until a song was perfect. I saw it in the way your bedroom floor was covered with sheet music and chord progressions. I saw it in the way your eyes lit up when you put that guitar in your hands. I saw it in every little thing you did. Until I didn't see it anymore.

Suddenly, you lost that spark to play that you used to have. The birds no longer inspired you and a song that used to take days to write now took weeks. It was like the cruelty of the world had somehow penetrated your young and naive mind and the weight of all the hurt and pain you faced had finally settled on your shoulders. I saw the way your eyes stopped shining when you played your favorite song. I saw the way your bedroom floor became neater and neater. I saw the way you started getting a good night's sleep while I was still up hoping you'd join me and help me finish my song.

And when you fell out of love with music you fell out of love with me. Suddenly, my antics that you once found adorable you now found annoying. The songs I used to play for you for days on end you no longer wanted to hear. And the only time I ever saw you on the couch with your guitar was in my memories. The song that radiated from your pores had stopped playing. It was like the CD had been split down the middle and could no longer be used. Your body became a foreign instrument that I didn't recognize and no matter how hard I tried to bring that spark back into your eyes I failed miserably.

You tried to hang on for my sake, and I could tell it was killing you. Every time we'd go out it was like your weren't really there. Your mind had wandered so far and nothing I did could bring you back. My name no longer rolled off your tongue like a beautiful song, and your forced, dry laughs sounded like a mess of notes that didn't fit together. The dissonance that could be heard between us was undeniable, but unlike my favorite songs, that dissonance never resolved. We never resolved. Our song never finished. And suddenly, before I even realized it you were gone.

Sometimes, I go back and try to play your song myself. Sometimes I try to remember the lyrics and the rhythm, but the more time that passes the harder it becomes. And now when I sit down at the piano and try to remember your song I can't hear a damn thing. I would sit for hours and try to recall the beautiful melody that was your soul, but I cannot recreate the perfection that you were. Somehow you faded away even though I did nothing but try to remember you. Even when I look at pictures of you it is like a stranger is looking back at me. No longer are my days filled with the beauty of your songs, and I am left with the darkness of your silence. But sometimes, on occasion, if I sit down by myself, I can still hear the strings of your guitar.

Oh what a sweet melody you used to be.