Unfinished Business

Chapter 31 Stronger

To say the last two days was an adjustment , would be an understatement.  It's been... weird .

First of it takes a lot to learn how to be a mother , to a newborn nonetheless.  I'm still figuring out what each cry means and when what usually happens. It's tough,  I won't lie.

And being sleep deprived is no joke.  I thought before that I was a night owl but now , being up every 10 min at night , I'm rethinking my previous statement .

And above that I have Austin.  I know he's trying to change , to adjust to this new mentality , but I wish it would happen faster . I really need some help , I NEED a husband . I hate that I said that , but I mean it . I don't know how long I can keep fighting this battle alone . I really need someone by my side . Someone to encourage me to keep on going , to tell me it's going to be okay . I really need that right now .

But if only one of those wishes could be granted I would hope it to be Austin finally spending some time with Arabella . It's been 6 days since she's been born . Almost a week and she still hasn't met her father.  Bonded with him . So if only one of my wishes could be granted this would be it .

But that just happens in fairytales right ?

This is real life . No genie or magical being granting my wishes . Who am I even kidding ?

I slowly shut her door behind me -not to wake her up yet - tip toeing downstairs for some breakfast.  It's 10 so by now I'm alone at the house . Austin usually leaves for work at about 7 . This is usually the time I cherish the most. Me time .

It's when I spoil myself with a nice breakfast while Bella sleeps . I then watch either a movie or a series on netflix until 11 ish , when it's time to wake her up for her next feeding and to dress her . She's still adjusting to our routine so I'm kind of all over the place .

I pour the rest of the frozen berries into my bowl with yogurt and add some honey , licking the drop I spilt off my fingertip .

"Delicious. " I cooed at my delicious creation .

"Can I have some ? "

I Jumped at Austin's sudden voice behind me .

I thought he left already .

I turned around - kind of confused more like surprised to be honest - seeing him stand there with a cheeky grin on his face .

Yup he just saw me jump . Probably thinks I'm a total weirdo and a scaredy cat . So basically nothing he didn't already know yet .

"Um , sure . But shouldn't you have left for work already ? "

"Maybe,  but you know I'm kind of the boss so I can do what I want . "

"Right . " I nodded in agreement , as I turned around getting another bowl from the cupboard. 

"I'm here for you. "

"What?  " his words totally caught me off guard,  I almost dropped the bowl. 

But I mean what does he mean by that  ? Is he going to take me away again?  kill me this time ? 

I watched as he stepped closer to me , taking slow , big strides towards me , making my heart beat faster with each step he took .

I hate that he makes me feel this way !

"I said , I'm here for you . Well you and the baby but mostly you . I'm here to make things right . "

"W-what does that mean ? "

Another step closer . We were now a few inches apart . I tried to move backwards only resulting in bumping against the countertop . There's no way I can get away.  It felt strange, and I don't know if I liked it yet . 

"It means , I'll be working from my office till things with you and me are sorted . Till you have a smile on your face everyday , because of me . Till you feel like this is your home .Till  I am your home . "

I lightly pushed him away with my hand , not far , but far enough to give me room to breath and take all this in. 

"But Austin , that can take a while till I feel safe again . Till this is alright . Till we're alright . I can't let you do this ."

He stepped closer , to his previous stance.

"But I want to . No matter how long it takes "

He leaned closer as I clenched my eyes close , sucking in a sharp breath, not knowing what's going to happen next .

I stood stiff as I felt his warm lips peck my cheek softly letting it linger for a bit before he pulled away , leaving tingles behind in it's place.

"Until you're ready . I'll wait . " he said then grabbed an apple from the counter , going back to his office. 

I stood frozen in my spot , shocked , surpised , confused at what happened .

My heart is telling me that this is what I've always wanted . For him to show me this kind of affection.  For us to really get a chance to love eachother .

But my head told me this was all a trap . A mind game . Another way for him to win my trust before using it against me again .

At this moment I'm stunned . I have no idea what to do next , and  the internal battle between my heart and  my head isn't making this any easier .

A cry echoing through the halls brings me back to reality.  I've never been so glad to hear her cries .It brings me to the realization that  I still have her . I have a distraction.  A reason to keep going . A little person relying on me to be strong .

I have to keep going. I can't give up . Not now , not ever .

I'll just have to roll with whatever life throughs my way .

I'll give Austin  a chance . I'll give us a chance . And if in some way he uses that against me I know one thing ; I'll come out of it stronger than before .

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