Uneven {Lams}

Chapter Twenty One

John Pov
I sat at my desk, listening to music as I drew. I heard a faint door and assumed either Alex was home or there's a murderer. Either way, I continued drawing. My door swung open and Alex was revealed.

Damn it.
No murderer.

Well I don't know what Alex does in his spare time but as far as I know, no murderer.

I took an earbud out.
"What do you need?" I asked.

It was then I realized he was panting heavily. "..Did you run here?" I said, furrowing my eyebrows.

He shrugged.
"I saw Tom and Ed today." He told me.

"Really? What'd you talk about?"
I asked.

He shrugged again.
"Stupid stuff. Mainly back and forth bickering with Ed and Tom asking about college." He said.

"Nice." I said, not sure why he was telling me this.

"Okay so are we going to talk about it or not? I know that you hate it when people try to get you to talk about how you feel and god forbid them talk to you about how you're gay, but I just need to know. Am I kidding myself..? Just let me know now if it's never gonna happen." Alex said.

I was a bit taken off guard at first but listened intently despite the slight confusion. I caught the desperation in his voice. Anyone could caught the desperation in his voice.

I tried to find a way to answer without being equally if not more distressed.

Alex sighed, muttering,
"You're so fucking inscrutable that it hurts me."

"I'm not inscrutable! I just.."
I trailed off biting my lip.

Alex shook his head, his face giving sign of defeat.

"Alright John. I shouldn't have said anything. I'll disappear from your life-"

"I never said that."
I told him.

"Yeah that's the fucking problem! You haven't said anything, and I'm trying to find something, anything, any part of you, that wants something to do with me and I.. I don't know." Alex said, biting his lip while he shook his head.

"Damn you Alex,"
I muttered.

"You can say no if you want, I..I don't give a fuck. I'm not going to go cry or jump off a fucking building."
He told me.

"Look Alex, calm your ass I haven't even said anything so don't be presumptuous,"

Alex snorted, rolling his eyes.
I smirked.

"I have a right to assume things when you don't give me any sense of what's going on in that mind of yours,"
He said.

"Oh god, believe me, you don't want to even have a glimpse at what's going on in my fucked up state of mind." I said with an eyebrow raised.

I heard Alex mutter something along the lines of, "And there's the John we know and love."

"I'm near to certain you're aware that I.."

I trailed off, trying to find a proper way to word how I felt. I've never done this before. I mean there was Francis but he doesn't count.
Not anymore.

"You really emphasize that part of me that I thought I despised. Which is difficult to say, but I know that both of us work through the struggles of self hate, no matter how minor it might be," I paused, looking over Alex's face.

I sighed softly, continuing.

"I'm not usually so..
vocal, if you will, when it comes to emotions, feelings, romance type things and you know this. Or in the least have some grasp of that." I said.

"So.."
Alex trailed off.

"If you expect me to say something right now, you're wrong because I think I've had more than my fair share of expressing myself." I said.

Alex snickered, shaking his head.

"Yeah, yeah okay."
He said, wiping his nose.

"God, Laur, you're the one person I can stand in this world." Alex said.

"What about Laf?" I asked, with a smirk.

"Eh, somewhat overprotective but take the damn compliment you narcissistic little shit." He said.

"I'm far from narcissistic but sure."
I muttered.

"Yeah, I know."
He said with a smile.

"So..I'm trying to word this without sounding like a third grader but I'm nervous so I'm going to dumb down for a moment and bluntly ask, you like me right?" Alex said, fiddling with the bandages on his hands.

"You could say that, yes." I replied.
"Oh thank god." He said, relieved.

"We'll talk more about this tomorrow, okay?" He asked.

For fucks sake I suck at talking about this.

"Yeah okay."
I agreed, glancing to him before going back to my drawing.

"Close the door on your way out asshole," I hummed.

"Will do,"
He replied, walking out.

I heard the click of the door and let out a sigh of utter relief.
Holy fuck.

Those words came from my mouth and then his words came from- oh my gosh I've been waiting years for this.

That sounded oddly desperate but it's not exactly like that because I wasn't like obsessed with him it was just..like..
a schoolboy crush for a while.

I think after around the third year it became more of a actual love type thing  so this, this is amazing.

This is the best I've felt in a long time.

~•~•~

._______.

..yeah.