Leave Me Lonely (JB+AG)

Leave Me Lonely (50)

Ariana

Sunday, January 15

10:28 am

"Ariana, your baby is crying." Nonna says.

"Yes, I know that, Nonna. Thanks for your observation." I reply.

"Ariana.." Mom warns, and I roll my eyes.

"I know you're annoyed right now, but you gotta push through. Do you need to take a little break?" She asks.

"I'm not gonna leave you with my crying child. I got it." I answer, bouncing Lilia on my lap.

She had literally been crying and whining since she woke up this morning, at 6 am, and I still don't know why. We tried feeding her, changing her, giving her a bath. I took her temperature, which is normal, and I just let her lay in my bed for 10 minutes to see if she would go to sleep, but she didn't.

She's been kicking and screaming and scratching anyone of us who holds her, even Justin, who she seems to like a little more than me. Earlier, my mom said this is her first big tantrum and that she knows I'll get through it.

I'm just worried that something else is wrong with her, something I can't see myself. She might be sick or not able to sleep and eat. I just hope my baby is okay, because I don't know what I would do without her.

"Ariana!" I hear mom yell, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Come here, baby. Give Lilia to Justin and come here."

I was so deep in my thoughts, I didn't realize that tears were slowly rolling down my face. I do what mom says and follow her out of the living room, into the kitchen.

"Hey, look at me. Everything is okay. Breathe, baby, breathe." Mom leads me over to a chair and gives me a bottle of water.

"Drink. Just calm down, baby. Lilia is fine, this will be over soon. We don't need you having panic attacks, okay. Just breathe."

I focus on my breathing for a few minutes, tuning out the sound of Lilia's cries so I can calm down.

"I know being a mother is tough. Some days you might feel like you can't do it anymore, and other days you're the happiest person alive. From what you told me, Ariana, you were doing this all on your own with barely any help from Alex. You know what to do, baby. You know how to handle this. That's your baby girl in there. Your princess." I sigh, nodding.

"When you did this, we took you on a car ride until you fell asleep. Why don't you try that?"

"I love you so much, mommy." I stand up and give her a hug, squeezing her as tight as I can.

"I love you too, baby. You got this. I know you do." She pats my shoulder and I walk back into the living room.

Justin's throwing Lilia in the air, trying to make her laugh, even though all it's doing is reducing her cries to whines.

"I'm gonna drive somewhere. Mom said it'll help her fall asleep." I tell him.

"You want me to come?" He asks.

"No, it's okay. I think I just wanna be alone. Well, as alone as I can get with her in the backseat."

"Alright, babe." Justin nods.

I grab the car keys, taking my phone out of my pocket and throwing it on the couch. Justin gives Lilia to me and walks me to the door.

"Be safe." He whispers, kissing my head.

"I will." I walk out of the door and to the car, opening the backdoor.

Of course, Lilia fights me as hard as she can to not be put in her car seat, but I get her buckled in and the door closed.

"Ari!" The front door opens and Justin runs out to me, a bottle in his hand.

"This might be helpful." He says, giving it to me.

"Thanks." I smile before getting in the car.

I give Lilia her bottle but she just throws it down so I shrug and start the car.

I drive to the neighborhood park, to Wal-Mart then to Publix before turning around and heading back.

To get there, it takes about 20 minutes, and Lilia starts to quiet down as we make our way back.

By the time I pull into the driveway, my baby girl is asleep and quiet.

11:31 am

"I knew you could do it. I'm proud of you." Justin tells me as I walk into the house holding Lilia on my hip.

I nod, walking upstairs to put her in my bed. I leave the untouched bottle next to her in case she wakes up, because I know she'll be hungry. She hasn't eaten all day.

"I'm so fucking happy it's quiet right now." I sigh, plopping down on the couch.

"That's exactly how I felt with you. That baby is just like her mama." Mom replies.

"I tell her that all the time." Justin says, rubbing my back.

"And you were definitely right, Justin. You two get some rest. Me and Nonna are going grocery shopping. Surprise, we're having a big dinner tonight. I invited your friends. Be ready to help me cook when we get back, though." Mom grabs her purse and her keys and they leave before I can even say anything.

"Sounds like it's time to get some rest." Justin says, pulling my closer to him.

I rest my head on his shoulder and we both fall asleep in a matter of minutes.