The Nerd | Completed

Chapter Thirty- Six

Listen to the song when it tells you to, it will make this chapter better.

Zayn died later that day. Emma held me until I could cry no more. Louis had tried to help but it had helped the slightest bit.

A nurse had to escort Em and I to a private room because patients were complaining about our grief, making Emma ticked off and start swearing.

"Can, can I see him one last time?" I asked through the tears.

The nurse was hesitant but gave in once she saw how much I loved him. "Follow me."

Emma waited by the door, just in case I were need her.

(Play the song now)

"Zayn, you promised me. You promised me you wouldn't leave as long as you could help it. I'm not going to last much longer here. You were the only thing that kept me here, otherwise I would have committed a long time ago. Now I'll look through all the texts we've sent, and cry over how stupid they were. But they meant to much to me. Every time I look through my pictures I see the pics of you with the puppy filter and the picture of you and I on our first date, when I wasn't looking and you snapped a photo. When you sent it to me I had tried to get you to delete it, but now I'm glad you didn't. I'm never going to be able to forget that spot you showed me in the woods, with the water that was calming to hear.

I started singing softly. " I wish that I could wake up with amnesia, and forget about those stupid little things.. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you, and those memories I never can escape. "

Emma came up behind me, catching me as I feel into her arms, sobbing so hard my chest hurt. But the pain was okay.

Emma brought me home a few hours later, not trusting me to drive. Louis had already left, after I had finished saying good bye to Zayn one last time.

"You sure you'll be okay alone tonight?" She asked for the hundredth time tonight .

I just nodded, I had barely spoken since I had stopped crying at the hospital.

"Okay, then." I could tell she was doubting me but who could blame her? The only person in my life who actually cared before I met Emma just died. All because he wanted to protect me.

She gave me a hug and made sure my phone was charging. I hadn't really thought about it until now.

She left a few minutes later, leaving me alone, in the silence. But I was not hearing silence, my mind was racing.

What am I going to do?

Do I even want to live?

Please be just a nightmare.

Zayn come back.

I need him so bad.

I can't handle all this by myself!

But the worst thing was that I wanted to go into that bathroom and create more scars. I wanted, no, I needed that blade.

Numb, I stood up off the couch and grabbed my phone, it was at seventy-two percent.

I went into the bathroom, leaning up against the wall I went into my contacts.

Zayn ❤❤

I found it in my favorites, it was the only one. With a shaking hand I pressed call. I lifted it to my ear and listened to his voicemail.

"Wassup, this is Zayn Malik's phone you have reached, so if you weren't wanting to talk me, hang up. Otherwise after the beep thingy, leave me a message cause I'm obviously too busy. Just kidding. Anyways, yeah, um leave me a message."

I felt a few tears fall from my eyes. I listened to it a few more times, laughing at how weird it sounded. I heard my in the background. It was from almost three weeks ago, I had told him to change his voicemail recording. He didn't know what to say and was bright red.

I smiled at the memory. That's just what it was, a memory. A memory of his big brown eyes, that dark brown hair he loved more than anything, except me. Those leather jackets, the letterman jackets, the crazy smiles, and the best moments of my life were with him.

I slid down against the wall and opened my photos. I flipped through the ones I had hearted, all of them were with Zayn.

My all time favorite one was the pic I took of him pouting when I wouldn't give him a bite of ice cream. His lower lip stuck out a little bit and his brown eyes were twinkling.

My next favorite was from the carnival when he saw a puppy. He had asked the couple of he could pet it and when his face lit up I had snapped the picture.

I looked through a few more pics before finally doing what I had been needing to do since I got home.

I grabbed the small box of pads from the sink and opened one slightly. Inside was where I had kept a few of my emergency blades.

I looked down at my arm and pressed the blade gently against my arm, slowly dragging it along at first. Then I pressed harder and went faster. I felt relief with each new cut.

I stopped after I had too many new ones I could barely see my old ones. I washed them off and went back downstairs.

Laying in the couch I turned on a movie. I ended up choosing The Fault In Our Stars. Augustus and Hazel's story is so sad I had hoped it would keep my mind off Zayn.

Before I was half way into it I was already fast asleep, only to be troubled with nightmares and memories of a man I would never see again.

~

Don't kill me....