Pages of Autumn

Chapter 11

I have been at work for an hour now; so far so good. The comfort of Avery training me and making conversation when things got slow was keeping me calm. She had to of been one of the most kind and welcoming people I've met. I can't help but think of Sky and how much I miss her. It's almost been a month since I left home.

"Hey, would you want to come over to my place tonight? I'm having a few friends over." Avery asked me this while stacking plastic to-go cups.

"Yeah sure. I would love that!" Finally, a friend around my age that's a girl.

"Awesome." Avery exclaimed enthusiastically.

I tried my hardest to fight the pains of anxiety in my stomach.

What would we talk about on the way to her house? How many friends is she having over? Will they like me? What will we do? What if I'm quiet and awkward the entire time?

The room around me started to spin, becoming a blob. I closed my eyes, seeing darkness and shadows through my shut lids. Breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, release for eight. I did this three times, the bumping in my chest turning steady.

"You okay?" I heard Avery's voice and felt a hand on my arm.

"Yes, sorry about that. Just got a little anxious." My face grew hot.

"It's okay hun, I've been there. Let me know if you need anything or want a break." She flashed a comforting smile, lightly squeezing my arm.

I shook off the chills hugging my arms and helped the next customer.

* * *

Six hours and fifty coffee orders later, Avery and I were walking to her apartment.

"My friends are probably already there. They don't live with me but they sure as hell act like it." She laughed, linking her arm with mine. "You'll have fun, don't worry." Her pace quickened to a jog as she stated her place coming into eyesight, dragging me behind her like a rag doll.

"If you haven't noticed I'm not the athletic type." I laughed as we reached her front door.

"Oh neither am I, fuck that. I'm just freezing." Her comment made us both laugh.

I followed her into the apartment, my apprehensiveness coming to a settle.

A girl with a tie-dye hoodie sat on the couch, her eyes barely open.

"Sophie, this is Autumn. Autumn, Soph." The girl hopped up, embracing me in her arms.

"It's so lovely to meet you. Love adding another member to the crew." She laughed, almost loosing her balance before sitting back down.

"Glad to be here." I laughed, standing straight as a pin. I can only wish I didn't look as timid as I felt.

"Let me introduce you to Bells." Avery grabbed my hand, pulling me into the kitchen.

"Bella, this is Autumn." A frail girl stood over the counter, a light white-tan powder substance on a spoon. What is that?

"Hey hun." The girl looked away from whatever she was doing, smiling in my direction.

Avery tugged me into the hallway nearby before giving me a chance to introduce myself to Bella, concern written on her face.

"So, we are going to smoke. It's lots of fun, if you don't want to I totally understand." I haven't smoked since I came to the city and I longed for the feeling.

"Hell yeah I'll smoke." She laughed in response. "Let's go." I followed behind her into the kitchen. Bella and Sophie sat at the kitchen table, aluminum foil and straw accompanying them.

"Autumn's going to chase the dragon with us." Avery kicked off her shoes, sitting down next to Bella.

"Come on." Avery pulled out a chair next to her, directing for me to sit.

Bella lit a lighter under the foil, Sophie holding a straw as she inhaled the substance floating in the air. My stomach flipped as I came to realization of what it really was; heroin. My cousin back home smoked the evil drug like it was candy. I could recognize the white powder from a mile away.

Distracted from my thought I failed to notice Avery holding the foil in front of me, Bella handing me the straw.

"You ready?" Avery laughed, Bella and Sophie joining her.

Panic, fear, and pressure flooded my body like a hurricane. No thought process came to mind as Avery lit the bottom of the foil. The straw was in between my shaking fingertips, no remembrance of when my idiotic-self grabbed it.

Steam and smoke floated in the air, soon filling my lungs.

* * *

The relaxation and sedation that engulfed my body made me feel I was in outer space, bound to get lost. An immense amount of pleasure flooded my brain; every mental pain becoming numb. We sat in a circle, giggling at mid-air for what felt like hours; feeling safe and warmer than ever.

Heroin was the door to free my anxiety and depression, and I walked right though it; feeling an immense amount of acceptance.

Drowsiness overcame my body, feeling as though I was floating in the ocean. The overbearing mass of coziness I endured was calling my name- to curl up and sleep forever.

"Autumn, you-you have to stay awake." Avery slurred her words in my direction, causing my droopy eyes to open.

I had no words to form, confusion engulfing my brain. I wanted nothing more than to sleep; continue floating for hours.

* * *

After an hour, but what felt like years, of Avery poking me and forcing me to get up and clean, I was coming off my high. To say the least, coming on the high felt so much better than coming down.

I left the girls with hugs and reassuring them I would be over again, before walking down the flight of stairs. My hand clenched the side of my stomach as I whistled for a taxi.

* * *

*Riley's P.O.V.*

Autumn stumbled into the apartment, holding her stomach.

"What's wrong love?" I was off the couch in seconds, at her side.

"I feel like vomiting my guts out." I sat her down at the couch, moving the garbage can in front of her.

She looked up at me, paleness covering her body- resembling the color of paper. Her pupils small, her eyes bloodshot and droopy. My blood boiled as I acknowledged the signs.

"Autumn what the fuck?" I closed my eyes in frustration, trying to keep calm but failing.

"What?" She continued acting clueless, her eyelids pacing the floor.

"You did fucking heroin, didn't you?"

The room became so quiet that I could hear it. I knew the answer, but I wanted her to admit it.

"I already know you did, just fucking say it Autumn." I hated cursing at her and raising my voice, but I really couldn't control myself at this point.

"Fine Riley, I tried it. But I'm never doing it again." She attempted to stand up, only to fall, the couch catching her.

"No Autumn, you don't fucking know that." I turned around, rubbing my palms against my face.

"Why are you acting so high and fucking mighty? You don't know shit." She stomped passed me, somehow finding her way off the couch.

"Yes I do know shit! My mother fucking died an abusive heroin using, last fucking week!"

The words and hurt that left my voice caused Autumn to stop in her tracks.