Touken Ranbu on Crack [2]

idk what to title this

with guest appearance of my friend Semienigma's saniwa, Yui. 

Hasebe: Saniwa Yui, what must I do to make Takara like me?

Saniwa Yui: It is bad to make Takers feel stress. 

Hasebe: I don't make her stressed tho. Then she likes me?

Yui: no. 

Hasebe: y. 

Yui: bcoz she doesn't like anyone. She is genderless. Genderless I say!!!

Gokotai: *pops out of nowhere* Yeah I know a thing or two about making Takara-sama stressed. 

_flashback_

Gokotai: *SCREAMING UNINTELLIGIBLY*

Midare: *about to burn Atsushi alive*

Atsushi: WHY MUST THIS BE DONE. 

Gotou: BECAUSE Y NOT. 

Hakata: I HAVE READIED THE FIRE. 

Yagen: WE NEED AN AZTEC PRIEST TO DO THIS. 

Hakata: I WILL CALL FOR SENGO. 

Shinano: YOU IDIOT!!! WE NEED AN AZTEC PRIEST, NOT A STRIPER. 

Akita: WHATEVER I AM CALLING ISHIKIRIMARU.

Gokotai: NO I THINK KORYUU WILL DO GOOD FOR THIS JOB. 

Maeda: KORYUU?!?!? ARE YOU INSANE YOU HAIRY GUAVA!!!? DON'T YOU GET IT?! KORYUU?? KORYUU-GRAPHY!!? THAT LEGIT MEANS CHOREOGRAPHY I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. HE IS LIT A FRIGGIN BISHOUNEN IDOL FROM A ROMANCE VISUAL NOVEL. 

Gokotai: THEN DO YOU HAVE ANY BETTER IDEAS, UGLY MUSHROOM??!!

Midare: OMG LETS JUST CALL KORYUU PLS OMG YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF STUPID MANGOES FOR LETTING A TRAP CARRY A SHOTA FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME WHILST YOU ARGUE. 

Yagen: SUMMON THE DRAGON!!! 

-Teh other Toushirous went to look for Koryuu and dragged him to where they are about to burn Atsu alive-

Koryuu: ummmm...wtf?

Yagen: OH GREAT STONE DRAGON!!! *bows*

Koryuu: AYYYYYYYYYEEE I am the great stone dragon!....I guess. wtf do u want?

Yagen: I WANT U TO SACREDLY KILL THIS UGLY PORCUPINE. 

Midare: Concubine---

Yagen: CONCUBINE!

Koryuu: oh. oh ok. ....uuuh...POFF. 

Takara: So, Azuki...Has Hasebe showed you around yet?

Azuki: he seems busy...

Takara: ah no worries. I won't let my STUPID secretary of a spear make you lost here either. 

Gine: omg. gurl i heard u. 

Takara: wtf? ur like a mile away you paranoid af?

Azuki: is that your secretary?

Takara: i hate to admit it but yes. So, in his place, I will show you around. 

Azuki: thank u very much, Aruji. 

Takara: And here is the hallway where over there we used that vacant spot for bonfires and --- OMG!!!!!!!!1! *sees the Toushirous burning Atsu alive*

Azuki: omg C  H  I  L  D  R  E  N. 

Takara: *approaches them* WTF IS THE FUCKING MEANING OF THIS???!

Akita: ITS MIDARE! HE WAS CARRYING ATSU A WHILE AGO. 

Midare: IT WAS GOKOTAI! HE TOLD ME TO CARRY ATSU!!

Gokotai: NANI THE FOOK??! I CAN'T CARRY HIM!! IT'S SHINANO'S SHINANOGANS!!!

Shinano: IT AIN'T MY FAULT!!! YAGEN THOUGHT ABOUT THIS. 

Yagen: DON'T LOOK AT ME. I THOUGHT THIS SPOT WAS AVAILABLE. MAEDA AND HAKATA DIDN'T ASKED FOR PERMISSION AFTER ALL HOLY SHIT 

Takara: WELL THEN HOLY SHIT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO THOUGHT ABOUT THIS HOLY SHIT. 

Yagen: *gross sobbing* ARUJI OH ARUJI PLS. ITS ONLY FEW DAYS LEFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME. WHERE IS YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. 

Takara: YOU!

Koryuu: m-m-me?

Takara: dammit yes you! WHY THE FUCKING FUCK ARE U HERE???!

Koryuu: they called me here. 

Takara: Yagen you're bonkers and you know what that means?

Yagen: n-no...

Takara: well if I can't let you know, maybe MY HAND WILL. *pulls him and gives him butt spanking* 

All: *watches Yagen's shame*

Azuki: hi. 

Koryuu: hi. 

Azuki: I am azuki btw. 

Koryuu: Koryuu Kagemitsu. 

Azuki: this looks painful doesn't it. 

Takara: Azuki what are u fond of?

Azuki: well...I like sweets and making sweets. 

Takara: *Shook* (a manly man like you? being more fond of baking than a lady like me? the world must be crazy) ah...r-really?

Azuki: and I like children too 

Takara: wow haha ur so motherly. 

Azuki: yes i am. 

Takara: wow i would love to make u my secretary and replace that dope. 

Gine: i heard u. 

Takara: OMG UR LIKE 3 MILES AWAY. Y R U SO PARANOID AF. U KNO U CAN'T BEAT KASHUU RIGHT. .....Oh he not here. 

Kashuu: *in battles*I totally hear Takara talk about me being paranoid af. Omg. That bish. 

Azuki: anyways, Aruji, don't worry because I will devote myself to fulfill duties for you. *respectfully bows*

Takara: ooooooooh interesting...you can bake right?

Azuki: yes Aruji.. 

Takara: *whispers to his ear* could you make me a super sweet raspberry shortcake right now? I'm kinda stressed out. 

Azuki: Oh uh Hasebe sort of told me that you seem to have interest in that sort of thing. 

Midare: *gets nosy with lewd thoughts* HHHHH what sort of THING. 

Azuki: so I thought of making you one in advance. *hands her teh cake*

Takara: OMG U MADE THIS????!!!! IT'S SO DELISHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Azuki: I am very glad u appreciate it. 

_end of flashback_

Yui: Awww i hope she would like Azuki in the future! That would have been nice!

Hasebe: yeah but y were u about to burn Atsu alive. 

Gokotai: that is a m  y  s  t  e  r  y  

-end