Begin Again

CHAPTER 30

                                                                        

The sound of the leaves crushing one another to the rhythms of the wind is the only thing I can hear. I am seating on big chair on the dock outside. Staring at the dark clouds while sipping on my earl grey tea, all I can think about is the year that is about to be over. I always do that. Thinking about the year that ends while on the last day of it. It's a habit that many that know it criticize me about but I don't really seem to care.

-Hey.

I hear someone saying and I turn around only to find my brother.

-Good morning. Isn't it a little early? Even for you?

He laughs and nobs his head positively.

-It is...but I knew you'd be here. You are kind of doing it every year.

-I do. A massive throwback needs to be done.

-That is why I am here.

I don't get where he is getting with it...

-To help me?

-Exactly.

He says and gets up from the chair that he was sitting and goes towards the big wooden box on the dock that has grandpa's fishing stuff in it. He opens it and brings out a big box. It seems like a present.

-I didn't know we had to exchange gifts on New Year's.

-You don't have to. But I had an idea and I thought that this was the proper place and time for this gift. Open it.

He says and I take the box in front of me. I carefully untie the big green ribbon and try not to tear the wrapping paper. I take it off only to reveal a familiar box. It can't be...

-Is this a joke?

I say and get up making my way away from the box and him.

-No! Wait!

He says coming towards me.

-I came here to forget all about that box. And you bring it with us?

-Yes. Because you have to get rid of it. And I thought that it would be wise if you'd do it today. Here. To let it go. As you'll do with the year that passed.

-How do I do it then?

I ask and he points towards a baseball bat that is on the railing of the dock.

-Are you serious?

-I totally am.

He says and goes to bring the bat.

I open the box and take a look inside. Books, photo frames, pictures, body lotions and perfumes. But it is more than that. It's... They are memories. Bad ones. Lies and mistakes that I thought that will haunt me forever. I still do. I am not going to let go so easily by breaking stuff. I wish that it would be that easy.

-Give me that.

I say and he hands me over the bat.

I hold it on one hand and then I take a picture frame from the box. I toss it on the floor and hit it one time with the bat. I then do it again and then again and then kick it with my foot into the lake.

I feel my heart pounding inside my chest. I feel it beating so fast. I take a deep breath and I move onto the next and I don't use the bat at all this time. I just try to throw it as far into the lake as I can.