Begin Again

CHAPTER 41

12th of June

Tomorrow it is a big day. It's graduation day and that big and fancy dance everyone has been talking about for months. But I am going to miss it. I am leaving and I won't be back till September. Emma and Jack have been begging me to stay but I can't. You see, I have been avoiding Joe for the last four months and he has been doing the same. Tomorrow I am going to have to see him. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. It's his day tomorrow and it's going to be best for everyone if I won't be around.

This is the last you are hearing from me here. Next pages are going to be written from home. I am a bit nervous for going back. I haven't been since Christmas. I spend the entire Easter at the lake house. It seemed better then. I needed to not be home because of the things with Alex and Aria. I was right. I did nothing about that. But I am better. I don't think about it as much as I used to.

These last couple of months have been focused on me. I have been doing things that I wanted. I relaxed and I cleared my mind. I am okay with the while Joe situation and that is because I know that I gave him all the time he needed, but he couldn't forgive me. Instead, I did what Mr. Williams suggested. I forgave myself.

Mr. Williams has been really helpful. I talk with him once a week and he has really helped me with "fixing" my life, and by that, I mean that he has helped think better and stop blaming myself for everything that happens.

But of course, how can I forget Emma, Jack and Mark? They really are the best friends I was always looking for. I have fun. I needed it to have fun. Last September I started school back home and that is what I wanted. I wanted to have fun and I did. I am so thankful for that.

Now I am ready for a beautiful summer. Whatever it may bring.

I close my diary and I place it inside my suitcase.

I check the time and I am late. They are waiting for me outside. I grab my phone and run downstairs and then outside.

"One year in England learnt you nothing?"

Jack says when I approach them.

"Sorry! I was packing."

"You are leaving tomorrow, right?"

Mark asks me and I nod in agreement.

"Are you sure?"

Emma asks me and I smile.

"I am. Really. You guys need to have fun tomorrow. I am going to be alright."

"Okay. Enough with talking about Anne. Let's go take the pictures."

Jack says and we start walking. He holds my arm and we slow down, leaving Emma and Mark going faster.

"What?"

"Will you say goodbye to him?"

He asks me as we walk slowly.

"No. I don't think that it is a good idea."

"I think he wants you to say goodbye. He is just too stubborn to do it on his own."

"I don't know, Jack. We have been avoiding each other all these months and I think it worked out for the best."

"Does that mean that you don't love him anymore?"

"You know the answer to this question."

"If you love him why do you leave like that?"

"You told me four months ago that Joe needs time. I gave him time. I can't wait anymore."

"I understand."