Worth The Risk

11

'So I'm going back to regular school for senior year. Luckily I don't have to take as many classes because I almost have enough credits to graduate already.'

'How do you feel about that?'

'About going back to school?'

Jessie nodded.

'It's senior year, I'm excited to go to games and school dances. And the senior lock in, that should be fun. And I'm excited about college and starting a new chapter of my life. But I'll only know a few people when I get there. And they all have their own friendship groups and people that they hang out with. Except Choie. She said I'm not allowed to find a new best friend so I have to sit with her at lunch.'

Jessie laughed. 'At least you don't have to stress about where to sit at lunch.'

'That's true, it'll be weird though. I'm just so used to having tutors and just not being confined to a schedule. But I'm mostly excited.'

'I'm glad to hear that. How is the assignment going?'

I sighed, starting had been hard. So far I had only managed to pack a sweater that I stole because I hated it. But everything else had some fond memory or funny story to go with it and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. The good part of her. The part of her that didn't treat me like shit.

Jessie watched me carefully and I watched her scribble something on her notepad again. 'Are you okay?'

'So far I have managed to pack a sweater that I stole because I hated how it looked. And she insisted on wearing it just to bug me.'

Jesse frowned. 'Why do you always refer to her using pronouns. You have never said her name, not even once.'

'I don't say her name because I want her to be like the people I walk past and never see again in the street. I want her not to mean anything to me anymore.'

'I understand, sometimes saying an ex's name just brings up too many painful memories.'

I nodded. 'Yeah. How do I get over her when I can't even get rid of stupid clothes and notes. They're just things. I keep telling myself that. But I can't throw them away, not yet. I can't even put them in a box.'

'Getting over a bad breakup takes time. Add to that the fact that even though you loved her, your relationship was toxic. You need time to heal and deal with all the feelings that come with a breakup. Take your time, don't rush the process.'

'Okay,' I nodded. 'Do you think I'll ever be able to trust anyone again? I don't even trust myself.'

'That's what we're going to work on. Rebuilding your trust in yourself first. We'll cross the relationship bridge when we get to it.'

Dinah was waiting outside in her car for me when my session ended. 'Hey, how was your session?'

'It was okay.'

'You look good.'

'You always look good. Is Sam still coming? When you said he was I was a little surprised. Normally people don't do the whole meeting the family thing that soon. Wait why did you agree to pick me up if yes coming? And where's Z? Is she with Choie.'

Dinah laughed. 'First of all thank you. No he's not, he's already met my family at church. Yes Z is with Choie because I was with Sam earlier.'

'Sorry, my mom says I should breathe and count to ten before asking one question. Hey what do I get if I score a basket at the arcade today?'

Dinah pretended to think about the answer as she parked the car. 'If you score a basket, we'll do whatever you want at the next sleepover. Even if it's playing call of duty.'