Worth The Risk

32

Two months into my fake relationship, I realized I liked girls. Normani and I kept our public displays of our affection to a minimum, but every time she kissed me, I felt myself wanting her to do more. Of course she never would, because the only time we ever kissed was in public and we were rarely ever actually alone, but a girl can dream.

After confessing my attraction to Lauren and Zendaya, they decided that we had to figure out if it was just Normani that I was attracted to, or girls. So we went to a lesbian bar and I ended up making out with a girl. I could have taken her home, she wanted to go home with me, but I chickened out at the last second and said I wasn't feeling well.

'Hey, what are you working on?'

'Remember how I said I had other apps that failed?' When I nodded, she continued. 'Well I never removed them from the app store so I'm fixing the bugs on Crusher. Pull up a chair, I can do this and talk at the same time. That's if you want to. You can also watch tv or something.'

I went to sit on the other chair. 'So why computer science? I didn't even know you were into computers like that. I mean whenever anyone in your house had an issue with their gadgets they came to you but I always just assumed that it was because you were the most in tune with technology.'

'I've always been into computers and video games. I've been into them since I was nine. One of my electives at school was computer science, and I took AP Calc. I think you just never noticed or paid attention because when we got to school, our friendship was on thin ice.'

'Yeah, I guess so.'

'Oh I never asked you how your date with the girl from the club went?'

I smiled, remembering making out with Desiree. Even her name sounded exotic. 'It was interesting to say the least. Can I ask you something?'

'Of course, shoot.'

I cleared my throat, 'what's it like? Being with a girl I mean? Like having sex. I know what it's like to kiss girls because I've kissed you and I kissed a girl at the club. And I've kissed girls before. I'm saying the word kiss a lot. Anyway what's the difference between girls and guys?'

'I don't really know how to explain it. I love being with guys and I love being with girls but they're just different experiences for me. I can't even really categorize being with men and women into two separate experiences. It doesn't really take much to get guys going whereas with most women that I've been with, foreplay was definitely important. And women are better kissers and intimacy has always been more intense with them.'

She was thoughtful. 'I could spend all day trying to explain but I can probably show you better than I can tell you.'

'Would you?' I asked hesitantly. 'Would you show me?'

Normani stopped typing and turned to face me, now giving me her full attention. 'What?'

'Never mind, it was stupid.'

'Wait you were serious?'

I ran a hand through my hair, 'I've been thinking about it, being with a woman I mean. When we got to my apartment, I told Desiree that I had never been with a woman and she left. So I get it if you don't want to. For the record I'm asking you because I want to do this with someone that I trust. But it's weird and we just got our friendship back and I understand—'

'–Dinah I am honored that you trust me enough to ask me to do that for you. If you want me to be your first, I'll be your first,' she replied quietly.

'Oh really? So here or in your room?'

Her eyes widened. 'Oh you want to do this now?'

'If you're not busy...'