Worth The Risk

20

Trigger Warning: Drug Use

The tears burst forth like water from a dam. I never expected her to actually pick me, but once she actually left and shut the door behind her, the rejection hit me hard, even if it was ultimately for my own good. Still, I rebuilt the walls that I had let crumble. Not as high as before, but high enough to protect myself from Dinah Jane.

I spent two weeks at home recovering. For the first week, I only saw Choie and Abi, and they brought me homework and stories about what was going on at school, not that I cared for either. Dinah started coming by during the second week. The first day was awkward; she sat at my desk and was formal until I threw one of my pillows at her.

The second day was better. She sat on the other side of the bed and gave me a stuffed dinosaur. I named it Dinahsaur, and she finally cracked a smile for the first time since I had last seen her. On the third day, she lay down beside me and told me stories about what had happened in our classes and how they still hadn't figured out who hurt me.

On the fourth day, we had both silently decided that we would pretend that what happened hadn't, and that we had always been just friends who hadn't accidentally opened the wrong door and seen what could have been. She lay down in my arms and I listened to her tell me stories about how Christmas with her family.

On my first day back from school, Dinah came by early and I watched as she and the rest of my family, fussed over nothing. We ended up leaving earlier than we had to, and I understood why when Dinah drove so slowly that I could probably get to school faster if we were on foot.

The parking lot was full, but there was a free parking space right beside Sam's car that a car was pulling out. For some reason, I recognized the numbers on the plate, but I couldn't remember where I had seen them before or who was even driving the car, not that it mattered anyway.

As soon as I stepped out of the car, it felt like someone had placed a huge arrow over my head, telling everyone in the parking lot to look at me. Sam took my backpack as we walked into the building, and I didn't have the energy or desire to fight him on it.

I saw Nina a few times throughout the day and each time, she barely met my gaze before looking away in shame. I wondered if it was an act, was she pretending to feel bad because she thought that I would go to Principal Montgomery and tell him what she had done? Or was the last shred of humanity in her soul making her feel bad?

I was in one of the practice rooms on my own for lunch because I wanted to be left alone when she answered the question for me. 'Why haven't you told anyone? I know you remember?'

'Because I don't want anyone getting expelled or catching a charge because of you. You can stop pretending to feel bad.'

'I'm not pretending,' Nina said quietly. 'She's just always so sad, and you're out here living your best life and trying to steal Sam's girl. I just got so mad. You can tell everyone if you want.'

I finally looked up at her. 'Are you done or do you want to throw a few more punches?'

'That's not fair.'

'That's not fair?' I scoffed. 'What did you think was going to happen exactly? That I would just forgive you and we could be friends? You want to braid my hair and hold hands while we sing Khumbaya around the camp fire?'

I took a step with each word whilst Nina retreated until her back was against the wall. 'I'm not that girl anymore and you are not your sister. So you can drop the act and stay away from me because I'm not going to tell anyone.'

'O-Okay,' Nina stammered before quickly leaving.

For the first time in forever I was angry at her. When it had first happened, I had convinced myself that she was just as heart broken as I was about our relationship ending even if it wasn't always good. That was how I coped, how I eventually stopped crying and sleeping in her clothes.