Worth The Risk

23

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. Laura Ingalls Wilder once said that we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmastime. Last Christmas I was the girl with broken heart stuck back together with bandaids and duct tape. I was hiding a fundamental part of myself from the people closest to me and as a result, I felt disconnected from them.

But on Christmas Eve, after spending the day with cousins that I hadn't seen in a year, some longer and my best friend, I sat around the fire place with my family and we sang, and told stories and laughed. I laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe and for a moment I wondered whether I had ever truly laughed like that before.

This Christmas Eve was spent slightly differently. I had decided prior to the holidays that I wanted to do something different at least for one day. Mr. and Mrs. Knight– sorry Clarence and Robin, they had insisted that I tart calling them that if I wanted to spend the day with them. Anyway they were couple that I always met at my favorite café and they had presented me with an opportunity to do just that a while back.

They did a number of things on Christmas Eve actually. Every year, they visited the pediatric ward in the morning and gave gifts to the children and their families after which, they gave out clothes and blankets to the homeless, after which they worked at the soup kitchen for the rest of the evening.

'So you do this every year?'

Clarence nodded as we stopped in the corridor of the Pediatric ward. He was dressed as the black Santa Claus, Robin was Mrs. Claus and I was elf together with Nikki and their grand children.

For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Nikki would be there. She did this every year with her grandparents, so it made sense that she would be there again this year, seeing as she was back in Houston.

I couldn't back out once I got there, not when Robin was so excited to see me. So here I was, a few feet from Nikki at any given time. So far we hadn't had to speak other than perfunctory nods because we were busy and I prayed that it stayed that way.

We were about to go into the next room when I noticed that there was a girl sitting on her own at a keyboard in the playroom. It was easy enough to slip away from everyone, I guess some things don't ever really change.

'Hello,' I said, pausing at the door before I stepped into the room fully. 'Can I sit?'

She nodded. 'You look funny.'

'Thanks, I was aiming more for cute but I'll take it. My name is Normani, I'm 17.'

'My name is Lisa, I'm 10,' she answered, mimicking me as she continued to play Jingle Bells on the keyboard. I saw the iPod beside her but no earphones and I decided I knew exactly what to give her.

Arthur gladly gave me the headphones and a gift bag since they hadn't had time to wrap them. Lisa was still in the playroom, playing jingle bells over and over.

'Merry Christmas,' I said as I handed her the gift bag.

'Aren't these only for sick kids? I don't think being a sick kids' big sister counts.'

I shook my head. 'When I was six my mom got sick. I was really scared. When I couldn't sleep, my grandma would play music or sing for me. Music became my escape. I put my headphones on and for just a little while I can block out everything around me.'

'Can you play?' She gestured to the keyboard.

'I can, what's your favorite Christmas song?'

'Have yourself a merry little Christmas.'

I pulled up another chair and took her place on the stool whilst she sat in the chair. 'Okay so I'll play and you sing?'

'Okay.'