On the outside everything seems fine, but on the inside Shawn is a broken man. He only has his daughter with him as he struggles and battles through his addiction. Beyoncé seems to be the finishing piece of his puzzle, but she has her skeletons too...
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I had my speaker on while listening to music. I made sure to always catch up with new music, whether it was a whole album or just a single. It was my favorite thing to do. Whether is was my favorite artists or people I've never listened to before. Music keeps me sane and grounded, especially new music that just came out and I had never heard before.
Beyoncé was still at work and the kids were at school. I decided I did need these vacation days because I wasn't up for anything. My body was weak, I felt depressed, and so much more shit. When they said "don't do drugs" I should've listened. Because being addicted is no joke.
As I listened to my music one part stuck out to me. My ears perked up and I rewinded the song so I could hear it again.
He said:
"I wish I didn't have to take these pills, but I just needed something that can make me feel. I just needed something that could take what's real and make me numb because all this pain just can't be killed. I can't be killed, my soul's too real... that's when it broke to pieces. Who would have thought that loving you was my only weakness?"
Man. I got chills just hearing it. Has music ever related to your thoughts and situations so well that you thought it was made specifically for you? That's how I felt about this album I was listening to. Love is hell.
I started feeling cramps again so I adjusted in bed and clutched my stomach tightly. If this is what females be talking about when they say they have cramps, I finally understand all of the dramatics. This shit is uncomfortable and painful as fuck.
As if the cramps weren't enough, the pain I felt was making me sick to my stomach. Now I felt nauseous and had cramps— ridiculous.
Sleeping is a good coping mechanism for this shit though because when I'm asleep I can't feel a thing. That's why most of the time I was sleeping. I was tired anyway.
In the middle of trying to fall asleep, I heard the door open and soon saw Beyoncé appear in front of me making me frown. "What you doing here?" I asked looking at the time. It was just after 1 o'clock.
"Checking on you, making sure you didn't aspirate."
I softly chuckled at that. "I'm fine, B."
She eyed me and made a pouting face. "You look so cute curled up on the bed like that. Makes me forget how annoying you really are."
"Shut up." I smiled. "My stomach hurts."
"Can I do something for you?"
"I'm good. How you doing though? No more sneaks right?"
"No. No sneaks. I have a bad migraine though. I keep drinking water, but it's not helping at all."
