On the outside everything seems fine, but on the inside Shawn is a broken man. He only has his daughter with him as he struggles and battles through his addiction. Beyoncé seems to be the finishing piece of his puzzle, but she has her skeletons too...
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"BB, can we get pretzels please?" London asked sweetly as she held on to my hand.
"Sure, baby. If you want." I nodded. We were all walking around the mall. We had just left the movie theater. This is the first time I forced Jay out of the house, I think we all needed it. The kids were tired of being in the house and London was tired of her father "not feeling well." It seemed as if Jay and I took turns being down. When I felt good, Jay couldn't get out of bed and when he felt good, I couldn't get up.
I could tell that Jay was still out of it, but he was trying for the sake of the kids. We made our way to the food court and I saw Jay put his hand over his mouth. You better not, I thought to myself.
"B," he mumbled. "We gotta go... smelling this food is making my stomach hurt."
I bit on my bottom lip. "Go get in the car. We'll be out after we get pretzels. Just don't throw up in my car."
He rolled his eyes and took the keys from me. "Bring me a soda please."
"Okay," He turned and walked off.
"Why daddy leaving?" London asked.
"He's just getting in the car. He said he doesn't feel good again."
London sighed, then grinned. "Well... can I get a smoothie with my pretzel?"
"Sure, baby." I nodded. "Whatever you want."
I let them both order what they wanted, then I ordered a sprite for Jay. I wasn't too hungry because I ate most of the popcorn at the movies as well as a pretty large cup of juice.
After paying for the food, we headed out to the car to meet Jay.
"Can I eat my pretzel now, mommy?" Egypt asked.
Slowly, I nodded. "Don't make a mess, dude. For real. I just got my car detailed."
"Okay." He said and wasted no time reaching into the bag to get it.
"I won't make a mess either, BB." London said sweetly.
"Okay, baby." I handed Jay his soda. "Here's your stupid soda."
"Ma, why the hell did you get her a cinnamon sugar pretzel with a blue raspberry smoothie?" Jay frowned as he took it.
I glared at him. "That's what she asked for and you never said what she could and couldn't have."
"First of all, her teeth going to fall out. Second of all, she's going to be up all night. What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?!" I damn near slammed on the brakes to look at him. "Are you serious? Nigga- you know what? Never mind. I'm not even about to argue with you about something so trivial in front of these kids."
He sucked his teeth and started to say something, but I turned the music up to ignore him. I saw him rubbing his temples out of the corner of my eye and knew he'd say something soon.
"B... can you turn this shit down? I have a headache, yo. Please."
I ignored him on purpose because I had an attitude now, so I didn't care what was bothering him.
"I know you heard m-" he stopped and reached up to turn the radio off. I swatted his hand away and turned it back on causing him to suck his teeth. "Man, Stop." He turned the radio off again and I let it be. "Play too fucking much." He mumbled under his breath.
"Shut the hell up." I mumbled. We ride in silence for the rest of the way. As soon as we got home, the kids hopped out. I left jay to get himself out, I wasn't going to wait for him.
When we got inside London hugged me. "Sorry if I made my daddy mad at you."
"It's okay, Princess. He'll get over it." I winked.
They ran off to do whatever while I went upstairs to take my clothes off. I absolutely hated being in my outside clothes in the house. It was a pet peeve of mine to see people lounging in their outside clothes. Changing was always the first thing I did when I got into the house.
In the midst of me changing, Jay walked in with the same frown on his face. I no longer cared. He was mad about something dumb ad I wasn't entertaining it any longer.
As he bypassed me, he purposely bumped me with his shoulder causing me to push him back. I was still looking for a shirt to put on, but I stopped looking to push him back. "Don't push me." He said over his shoulder.
"Or what?" I scoffed and folded my arms over my almost bare chest. All I had on was a bra because I was in the middle of changing when he came in here starting shit.
"Ima ball your little ass up. Stop playing with me."
"Ball me up, I dare you."
He sucked his teeth and walked away to start changing his clothes. "That's what I thought." I mumbled as I watched him pull his shirt off and drop his pants, leaving him in a tank top and hooping shorts.
"Leave me alone." Jay said as he sat on his edge of the bed.
I found a shirt to put on and went over to my side of the bed and hit jay in the back with it just to be annoying.
He groaned. "I'm not playing, Beyoncé. Damn. Let me be."
"LeT mE bE." I mocked.
He stood up quickly and yanked me by my arms, making me fall in the middle of the bed. "Stop, Jay! I'm not playing."
"Now you don't want to play?" He wrestled his way on top of me and put is knees on my arms so I could move. "Huh?"
"Moveeeee." I whined.
"You said mess with you? Bet." Before I could respond, he began poking me anywhere he could reach.
"Stop!" I screamed as I tried my hardest not to laugh. It was a weird feeling. It tickled but it was also very annoying. The way he was sitting on me prevented me from moving anywhere. "Jay, please stop. Please!"
He stopped and moved his knees to take his weight off of me. He eyed me and chuckled. "You done being annoying?"
I could only breathe heavily in hopes to catch my breath. "Move." I said with a slight eye roll.
"Aw you mad?"
"Move off of me, Jay. For real."
"Say please." He whispered in my ear. I'm not going to lie, the way he looked at me had me feeling some type of way. We stared at each other for a few moments. I was still breathing heavily because I was out of breath, but he seemed just fine. We were closer than we necessarily needed to be. I don't think I really minded though.
"Please." I whispered back finally after what felt like 20 minutes. The look we both have each other as he got off of me was so sexually tense it was ridiculous. I don't remember the last time I got some action, but I couldn't do it right now. Not in this state that I'm in. He couldn't either.
"I hate your dumb, dirty ass. Move, Shawn. Real shit."
He shrugged. "You think I care? I hate yo ass too."
"Stupid." I had a whole attitude now, it wasn't even funny. I almost hit him when he smirked at me.
"Hit me." He said reading my mind.
"Don't tempt me." I mumbled. He needed to hurry up and get better, so he could get out of my face. I was so tired of his ass now. I don't know how much more I could take before I cracked and beat his ass.
