Old Habits - A Dele Alli//Jesse Lingard FanFiction

< -- 44 -- >

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Kira's POV:

It had only been a few days since I lost Dele, but I've never felt so alone and lost in the world. Jesse had found out that I was still with Dele when I tried to hook up with him and told me he hated being second best all the time and that if I wanted to continue having him in my life, I needed to sort out what his role was and stop leading him on. I understood what he was saying, but losing someone else felt like a horrible cycle that I couldn't get out of. "Another hate comment." I thought to myself as I scrolled through my timeline. Somehow the press had found out about Jesse and I and the break up, so my private life was currently splashed all over the front covers. Obviously all of Dele's fans were hating on me, and the fans I had were starting to lose interest because of my lack of activity, I guess. I couldn't help but feeling that everything in  my life had gone so downhill that there was no point of carrying on anymore. Suicide was never something I'd contemplated but recently, it clouded my mind, always there as if it was the only option for me now. I didn't want to be in the same world that took away such a beautiful, precious life like Lil's and left me, a horrible friend, liar, cheat.

Walking into my bathroom, I saw the same blades Dele used for his shaver that I see everyday, but now, they had a different meaning. Some underlying feeling of depressive thoughts just racing through my mind as I looked at them. It seemed like there was no use in trying to be happy, when I'd ruined my life forever. This constant feeling of loneliness was impossible to deal. In such a little time, I'd reminisced about everything Dele had done for me and how this time, I really think I've lost him. I sat down on the cold tiles with the blades gripped in my palm.  It hurt. The feeling of them slightly digging into my palm, but it was relaxing at the same time. The pain was necessary, after all the pain I'd conflicted on the people around me, it was what I deserved. Suddenly, tears streamed down my face and as much as I tried to wipe them away, I couldn't stop them. Standing up, I walked towards the mirror and saw my face was now flushed and my eyes were puffy from being overflown with tears. "What is wrong with you?" I whispered. My legs gave way as I sobbed into the mirror and I was once again a crying heap on the floor. I looked down and saw the blades still in my hand. I guess this was it. My final moments. Then, I could be with my dad. I could be with my best friend, and finally, I wouldn't have to worry about hurting Dele ever again.

Dele's POV:

I pulled up to Kira's apartment to pick up the remainder of my clothes. It felt weird knowing that I might never be here again. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She didn't say she was going out today, so I just assumed she would be home. It didn't bother me; I could just come back another day, but for some reason I felt like I needed to go in. I knocked on the door again, but there was still no answer. When I listened carefully, I herd the faint crying of someone. Instantly, I knew there was something wrong. "How am I going to get in?" I thought to myself. As I was trying to pick the lock, I remembered I hadn't gave the apartment key back and quickly took it out my backpack and opened the door. All of the lights were on, but I couldn't find Kira. Listening more carefully, I heard the sob coming from the bathroom. "Kira?" I shouted. Running to the bathroom, I saw Kira sitting on her bathroom floor, crying hysterically my razor blades in her hand, blood stained her arms. "Oh my gosh, Kira. What are you doing?" I ran over to her and took the blades from her hands, putting them back up on the shelf.

"Wait here. I'm going to go and get you help." I ran into the kitchen, looking for something to help her and called for an ambulance. As I waited for the paramedics to arrive, I looked for a towel to press on her wrists to stop the bleeding. After what seemed like forever, the door started knocking so I let the paramedics in. I showed them where the bathroom was and when we got to it, Kira was now slumped over and the blood was now rapidly flowing out of her arm, as she lay in a sea of red. "Oh my God. Oh my God." I repeated as one of the paramedics rushed into the bathroom and closed the door. From outside, you could still see the red shadow underneath the door. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's go outside for a bit." The paramedic whispered as she ushered me out of the apartment. "You have to help her, please." I croaked as we reached the door. I couldn't help but have an overwhelming sense of fear, like maybe this time, I'd lost Kira for good.