Trapped (egobang trans)

Chapter 17 - Contagious Smiles

< Arin's POV >

The first thing Arin noticed that week was the fact that Suzy wasn't there. Ever since the kiss she'd been trying to figure out a way to try and mend their relationship, somehow tell Suzy that she'd run away not because she didn't like her, but because of... a different reason. That part was the tricky part; what if Suzy then asked what the reason was?!

Arin supposed that Suzy's absence should be a kind of comfort. She had a habit for putting off confrontation, and now she had a legitimate reason which didn't feel she was actively running away. But in fact it just made her feel worse. The blame she'd already put on herself grew tenfold - Suzy was skipping school because of her.

But maybe she was just sick?

As the days passed it became clear that that wasn't the case. Arin knew from last week that Suzy hated having time off, and it was already half way through the week now.

Arin wasn't sleeping well, or at all at this point. She couldn't even muster the energy to do her hair, she'd even forgotten to shave one day. As if her opinion of herself couldn't get any worse. So as to not raise concern with the school she'd at least made an effort to be on time to her classes, but the trend was bound to break at some point. At least it was only her last lesson when it did happen, so she would get to go home afterwards. She'd started walking - she didn't want to suffer the awkward silences in the car when she was like this.

Strangely the teacher didn't scold her for being late. She was thankful, she didn't want to have to stay behind for a detention or anything.

Arin wasn't even ashamed to say that she didn't pay attention. She couldn't even recall most of her classes this week. All the same, it was a great relief when it was over. Arin started to pack away, slowly as she honestly didn't care any more.

"Hey."

That voice.

"H-Hi, Dani," Arin stuttered, "S-See, I remembered..."

Stop rambling. You're being weird, what if you drive her away too?

"Yeah... Uh, are you okay? You came in kind of late and you look a bit-"

"Terrible? Yeah, I know."

Oh no. Now you've done it. You've made another mistake, you snapped at her. She's going to be mad at you now.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I have to go."

Arin picked up her bag. She hated herself for running, but in the end that was the only thing she was good at.

"Arin, wait!" Dani grabbed her.

No no no, let go. Let go of me! Don't hurt me, I'm sorry, I know I made a mistake. Just leave me alone! Why won't you let go?! HELP!

"P-Please, just l-let me go. I-I want to go..."

You sound pathetic. Stop crying. She let go, oh thank god.

"Arin, I... I want to help."

Why? You're so confident, and I'm just an anxious freak who does nothing but run away from her problems. No, don't say that out loud! You'll just make it worse, like always. You'll make another mistake.

"H-How?"

Did that sound too harsh? Too accusing? Oh god, it did. Please, just let this end!

"We could walk home together? I could... keep you company for a while and maybe you can tell me what's got you like this?"

Dani paused and looked down at her phone for a second. Probably all her friends. And here Arin was, taking up her time! She just wasted people's time. Jon, Suzy...